Members Raynie1 Posted February 5, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2014 My son, Scott was my only child. He was 41. Husband died from industrial accident, in 1991. Since my husband died, Scott was my rock. He was the one that kept me going. Life was ok, since I still had Scott. Scott could never get used to his father's death. He had dreams that his dad never died and looked for him and talked to him all the time. My son felt he never fit in with the rest of the world. He was shy and never confident. Got into trouble with the law, but insisted he had done nothing wrong. Was with another guy that ended up with a stabbing. Scott was the driver. He did 6 months and then could not stay away from Meth, which he kept getting dirty drug tests. So, back to jail, couldn't stop meth, so he ended up doing a total of 10 yrs. Prison was the worst thing for him. He was forced to do sex acts. He was so ashamed, he never got over it. He never forgave himself for any and all things he had done.And, yes, back on Meth. He did not die of meth overdose, but as a result of using so long, he died of a brain hemorhage and cardiac arrest. I found him in his bedroom. I tried CPR, but it didn't work. This was the such a feeling of complete dispare. I couldn't save him. I tried to save him all his life, and I failed. This was 7/16/2013. Since then, my grief is an every day thing. I have no real friends and no family. So. my world is DEAD. Meds and therapy have not helped me. I am 65 and in poor health, and I want to die too. I won't commit suicide but am just waiting for my time to go. I just Do not want to start OVER again. Life is too painful. Just needed to share since I have no one to talk to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members momto7 Posted February 5, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2014 Yes, we drag ourselves through days, and then more days..my own only favorite son left this earth Aug 2012 and I understand your huge pain, I'm sorry you had to suffer too for so long, I reach out to tell you what has got me through, it is my belief that God had compassion on my son and called his name, and Brian answered, leaving his mom, his 5 children and his 6 sisters, all are devastated too, but, believing that soon we will be together. You will be with your family too. It is shocking..unbelievable, too much to digest at once..I will pray comfort over you, He is the Comforter...don't try to figure it out, it is beyond our thinking right now. Drop any guilt on the floor..as his mom we do what we can, but still not able to live their lives or make their choices for them..praying for you, momto7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members akellyf Posted February 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2014 I am so sorry for your loss, I can feel your anguish and I am so sorry that you find yourself in this empty place. Life can be excruciatingly painful and I can understand simply not wanting to be in the position of starting to figure out how to make a life that doesn't have him in it, I am in that position myself. I wish you some moments of peace to ease the pain and glimmers of how to step forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted February 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2014 My dear friends,My 16 year old son, Brian died 6-19-2008. It has been over 5 years for us. The world we knew has changed drastically. It takes along time to get to know this new world we are thrust into. Be patient, we are still adjusting, but have found our footing.I am sending prays and words of hope for those who find themselves here after me.Colleen Brian's Mom 4ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ladyofone Posted May 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2014 Raynie, I read your post and I can totally relate to where you are. My son died 1/29/2014. He OD'd on a drug cocktail of heroin and cocaine. He was only 27 years old. I too tried to save my son, I feel like I want to die every single day. If it were not for my other son and my Mom and wonderful husband I would be out of here. I am 63 years old and I feel like I am just breathing, I am already dead. My son spent 2 years and 3 months in prison, he had 3rd degree burglary and domestic violence. I have not gone to meds for the sheer fact that I know how hard it is to get off of those things, as I watched my son struggle for years with his addiction. He would try to quit cold turkey and be so sick he would feel like he was going to die or wish he could. I think of suicide all the time, I daydream about being in heaven with my son. Life is too painful, I agree. I have read many many books since this happened about the afterlife and how to make contact and what happens when we die, that has helped me a lot. To know that we don't really die we just change form and continue on in a world that is far far better than this one. My other son and I went to see a medium last week, it helped a little, but it also made it seem all the more real. I think to some degree I'm still in denial as I can't accept it, and I fight those moments of peace because I feel like I should never feel peace again, the loss is too great. Please consider me your friend if you need one, I need one desperately. Thanks for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted May 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2014 To all the parents...I just read your posts....if you could...please go to the site 'Loss of Adult Child'....that is where many of us...come to share...many have stories just like you...and it is just so darn hard....I lost my John David in August 2012...and I am still having lots of stress with my grief.....our grief journey will be as unique as our child was unique.... you will find so many parents on that site that can understand and reach out to you in your deep mourning....I usually just go to that site because I don't have time to 'read and post' on others....but there you will find many that are walking in your shoes..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KimberlyAnn61 Posted July 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 4, 2014 Ladyofone , I am so very sorry for your loss. I just lost my 28 year old son on January 30, 2014. He was also a heroin addict and he ended up in prison for the same reasons- stealing to make money for the drugs. I tried to help him save himself for many years, but he ended up with health problems in prison and couldn't find a way to hold on. He took his own life 5 months ago, and the only.word I have for my grief is Inconsolable. He was my only child. I know he is okay now and is finally free and with the Lord. I can't wait to see him again. The only way I am getting through this is with the Lord's help, and when things start to get overwhelming, I begin to give thanks for every single thing I can find to be grateful for. It helps. God Bless you, and all of us who are living without our hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sailormom Posted July 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 4, 2014 My son had just turned 25 when he died of a herion Xanax and cocaine. He had struggled to stay clean and just lost the battle and reasons to fight. We found him dead in his apartment 21 days after his 25th birthday. I geuss we were lucky that he had not went down the road of stealing or prison. He had a good job making 3 to 5 thousand a month, with a nice apartment. But I geuss his whole world was fixing to come crashing down due to his habit that he was trying to hide. I miss him terribly but I know he is in a better place where I don't have to worry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sailormom Posted July 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 4, 2014 To all the parents...I just read your posts....if you could...please go to the site 'Loss of Adult Child'....that is where many of us...come to share...many have stories just like you...and it is just so darn hard....I lost my John David in August 2012...and I am still having lots of stress with my grief.....our grief journey will be as unique as our child was unique.... you will find so many parents on that site that can understand and reach out to you in your deep mourning....I usually just go to that site because I don't have time to 'read and post' on others....but there you will find many that are walking in your shoes.....I have trouble keeping up on that thread, it keeps me confused on who, what and where. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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