I need help.

[noblesloth]

I miss my mum so much. It's as if my body is physically attacking me because I'm too scared to mentally dive into things. Is it unhealthy to remember the bad things along with the good? Do I feel sick because it needs to come out, or because it's hurting my mental health bringing it up?

Heeeelp.

[Guest Kirbibizzle]

Dear noblesloth,

 

I understand exactly where you are coming from. It's not unhealthy at all to feel this way. What is unhealthy is keeping all these emotions inside and not letting them out.

 

It needs to come out, no matter how painful it may be. No matter how hard you try, it seems that you can't help it sometimes. Believe me, I've tried.

 

The pain you are feeling can actually make you physically ill. Sometimes when I think about the loss of my dad, I get this knot in my stomach. It's like someone is kicking me... over and over again.

 

I lost my dad a little over a week ago, and the only thoughts of him I have are of his final moments in the hospital. I've tried and tried not to think about it, but it's the only thing I can picture right now. I wish I could say I knew how to make these thoughts stop, but I think it all just comes down to time, a lot of pain and a lot of acceptance.

 

I'm hoping that with time that those horrible thoughts will be a distant memory and the only thing I will choose to remember are the good times we shared. I hope the same for you.

[Trish91]

Dear All,

 

I lost my mom to metastatic lung cancer on 17/12/13, and I feel ill every day, I feel anxious, despondent, angry, demotivated, not hungry, very sad, scared, etc, etc, etc. I know that my mom is with me, and so is God, because I have been able to arrange her funeral and make all the preparations to deal with her estate regardless of my deep sadness and despair and the constant missing her.

 

She was my very best friend, the person who loved me the most and who truly accepted me for who I am. She was my soul mate. Without her, I am lost, and cannot fathom a future now, as I am no longer the same cheerful and optimistic person who I used to be.

 

I need to go on though, to honor her, until such time when God can reunite us. I have no doubt that she is at peace, with me in spirit and in a place of true happiness and absolute peace, alongside her mom, dad, grandparents, uncles, aunties and cousins who passed away before her.

 

It is us who remain on this earth and have to worry about surviving on a daily basis.

 

Anyhow, I also have guilt, about many things, for instance, dismissing early signs of her illness being something really serious rather than just herniated lumbar discs, and telling her off for feeling depressed and demotivated, as this was completely unlike her. She was always full of energy, optimism and life. I also feel guilty for wishing that the nightmare of her suffering and the hospital situation would end as quickly as possible, and for wishing to return to a more normal life, as if anything could be normal again.

 

I was a selfish person at times, and not always the best of daughters, but my uncles, dad, aunties and cousins tell me that my mom knew how much I loved her and was proud of me, and felt that I had always been there for her when she needed me.

 

I still wished that I had been much better, less immature or selfish at times, that I had been more like her, so selfless and devoted, so loving and caring. I loved her deeply, but I could have been better.

 

However, I am just human, and thus very flawed, and I am an ordinary person, so I did what I could despite my own limitations and poor judgement at times, and I hope she does know that and has forgiven me for ever failing her in any way.

 

Sorry for rambling, today has been a particularly difficult day for me, and I am alone, waiting to finalize the wrap up of the apartment, and to travel back to where I live tomorrow night, so it´s like losing my mom all over again.

 

May God have mercy on all of us and bring us some solace and peace every day, as well as real faith and the strength to live a positive life, just as our moms and dads would have wanted us and want us to.

 

Warm regards,

 

Trish