Making Changes Too Fast?

[sophia12]

Hi, my husband has just been gone a week and three days and it has been non-stop decisions, paperwork, etc. I am being sure to eat and sleep as good as I can and rest too. I have a little girl who is with me constantly and we are leaning on each other so much and I am so blessed to have our daughter.

I decided I have to get out of this house come spring. We had just moved here, we downsized, and we were just here 14 months. I got very depressed last spring even before my husband became ill and for some reason I just do not like this house. And esp. now that all I see is my poor husband struggling trying to walk before he lost his ability to walk and had to go to the ER and be admitted and never come home. I decided I want to sell my house and rent an apartment. I truly do not want the responsibility of owning a home without a husband here, I would feel MUCH better renting. I don't even feel safe here.

Well we have cats and dogs. I am allowed to have 3 in the apartment we will rent, and hard as it was my daughter and I decided which ones to keep and which we will have to find new homes for. VERY hard! Well I have a lady coming tomorrow to see the puppy we got over the summer. As sad as it will be to part with her I will feel better not having a puppy right now as she is a ton of work for us and we are so sad and depressed and overwhelmed it will be best for us I feel. I am also going to give two of our cats back to the rescue we rescued them from as they said they will take them back. I know they will all be in good hands and as hard as it is I feel this will be best for us

I did see how one should not make changes, major changes, in the first year after losing a spouse and I know these are big changes. Is it OK if it feels like it is OK? Has anyone else had to make changes so soon and it turned out OK?

Thank you.

[Alone]

Hey sophia12 - so very sorry for your loss.

 

My husband was ill for about 14 months before passing.  We had to move in October 2012 while he was ill for his care.  Then I was downsized from my job and then my Tom died in July 2013.  I was left with very little except memories in that area and my apartment lease was up the end of September.  I moved back to the community where I grew up on October 1, 2013.  There are many reasons why I regret moving back here but I think time will take care of most of those issues... or not, who knows.

 

My biggest regret about moving is that I had to downsize which meant getting rid of some of "our things".  The packing and unpacking of our things was also very hard, but living someplace where my Tom never lived is probably the hardest. 

 

The recommendation to not make changes is because we don't always make good decisions while grieving.  Like the downsizing I did, there's no going back with many of the decisions we make.  So, if you feel you have to move, get good counsel... especially regarding selling your home.  Get help so that you aren't taken advantage of, especially financially.  I would also recommend that you have someone with you when you pack and unpack the really special things like your husband's belongings.  The grief counselors say that you need to do handle your loved one's things yourself, but having someone there while you do it helps. 

[backyarder1]

Sophia, I have heard other stories where people moved after the loss of their spouse and now they regret it. If I were you, I would definitely wait at least a few months and see how you feel at that time.

[Alone]

Sophia - I've been thinking a lot about your post.  I try to get good counsel on big decisions.  Sometimes I take the advice given and sometimes I don't.  Sometimes I make mistakes, but talking to someone always makes me think about things that I hadn't considered before talking with people.

 

Please find someone you trust that can talk things through with you.