Members CeliainSD Posted February 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2014 My Dad passed away with my Mom and Sister by his side. He had been ill but didn't want to go back to the hospital. He said he wanted to be at home and not die at the hospital. While at the hospital they kept him alive by draining fluid from his lungs, therapy and everything else he needed but he wanted to go home. I knew if he went home he would eventually need his lungs drained but wasn't going back. So we put him on Hospice. Didn't know he would go so fast. Only when we told him its ok to go we know you're in pain and your tired is when he went. He passes with my Mom, sister and I by his side holding him until he stop breathing and heart stopped. That was the most saddest thing I have ever gone through. My Dad and I were very close. Even when I would go home he would ask me when I'd come back. I was there nearly every day for a month when he was very ill and we knew he was tired and couldn't go on. I'm tired all the time. My Son left my Grandson with me for 2 weeks but he's not bringing me the joy I thought I would have that makes me feel bad. I just want to be alone. Would talking to a Grief counselor be an option? Maybe a book that has helped others? How long does grieving last, I'm going back to work Saturday I hope that helps. Thanks for listening any suggestions are appreciated.My Dad passed away with my Mom and Sister by his side. He had been ill but didn't want to go back to the hospital. He said he wanted to be at home and not die at the hospital. While at the hospital they kept him alive by draining fluid from his lungs, therapy and everything else he needed but he wanted to go home. I knew if he went home he would eventually need his lungs drained but wasn't going back. So we put him on Hospice. Didn't know he would go so fast. Only when we told him its ok to go we know you're in pain and your tired is when he went. He passes with my Mom, sister and I by his side holding him until he stop breathing and heart stopped. That was the most saddest thing I have ever gone through. My Dad and I were very close. Even when I would go home he would ask me when I'd come back. I was there nearly every day for a month when he was very ill and we knew he was tired and couldn't go on. I'm tired all the time. My Son left my Grandson with me for 2 weeks but he's not bringing me the joy I thought I would have that makes me feel bad. I just want to be alone. Would talking to a Grief counselor be an option? Maybe a book that has helped others? How long does grieving last, I'm going back to work Saturday I hope that helps. Thanks for listening any suggestions are appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Kirbibizzle Posted February 3, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted February 3, 2014 Dear CeliainSD, I can completely relate to your story. I watched my father die too. My father passed away suddenly. You were given, as strange as it may sound, the gift of being able to at least somewhat prepare yourself for what would come. You got to spend those extra days with your dad, so be thankful. Your dad would never want you to feel so bad about losing him, he'd want you to keep his memory alive with good thoughts. Grieving lasts differently for different people. I truly believe it depends on how closely connected you were to your dad. I'm sorry to say but you may never really lose all the pain in your heart this has caused you, it will eventually only be numbed. I lost my dad just over a week ago, and it hurts just as bad now as it did on that fateful day. I can't stop thinking about what I could have changed, what I should have done, how I could have spent even more time with him. I have had trouble sleeping too with all of these racing thoughts. I've basically shut down and shut everyone out, wanting to be alone forever. I know this won't last forever, but it's just not the same without my dad anymore, it can never be the same. Please know that the feelings you have aren't uncommon. I'm feeling the same as you, nothing I can say or do can bring any joy back to my life right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CeliainSD Posted February 4, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Hi kirbibohI truly appreciate your words. I'm so sorry for your loss, I can truly now say I know how you feel. I've never loss anyone that has meant so much to me as my Dad. My family is so supportive but all I want is alone time. I feel anxious even if the phone rings when someone calls to ask how I am. I am so glad my Dads not in pain anymore and yes I know he wouldn't want me to suffer. He cared so much for me always telling me to be careful. I'm going to try and look at this in a different light. Knowing he's in peace, I have to accept this, for him to be truly in peace. My Mom is worrying also because she doesn't have the in depth spirituality as I have and she does not like being alone. With this said she won't come live with me and i feel its somewhat selfish. She knows I still work and have my family an hour from her. I plan on going there as much as I can but I wish she would come and stay with me more often. So in the meantime until we figure out what to do my sister and I will stay with her so shes not alone. My Nephew may move in with her temporarily. There's so much to think about when you lose your Dad. Until then I just take one day at a time. Hope you find some peace in your live. Thanks for reaching out to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Kirbibizzle Posted February 4, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Dear CeliainSD, I know it might seem weird coming from me, considering my dad and I preferred to be alone when he was alive, but as much family support as you can get will be good for you. My mom has been trying to support me but I'm just so stubborn, just like how my dad was, and I haven't been too accepting of her help. This event is still so fresh in my mind and I'm going to need time to process everything. Each of us grieves differently, and it's normal either way to want to be alone, or to want to be surrounded by those who care. I'm finding it hard to even answer the phone or come up with the words to say to people, especially my mom, when she calls. My dad was living with me in this house for almost 8 years, and now that he's gone, it really feels like it can never be the same. He meant everything to me, he was basically my other half. I just feel broken, like I'm now only half a person without my father. In between all the sorrow, I can find happiness in the fact that I know both of our dads are up there somewhere, looking down on us. A father only wants the best for their child, a father doesn't want to see their children ever to feel the pain that we feel. It will take time for these feelings to not be as intense as they are now. I know my dad taught me everything he could and I'm truly grateful for all he has given to me. I trust that you feel the same for your father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CeliainSD Posted February 4, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Hi Kirbiboh,I was just going to turn in and as I was logging off saw you responded. We both have a very tight bond with our Dads. It's still a very fresh loss in both of us so we need to allow ourselves to grieve. I set up an appointment with a grief counselor for this Friday. I hope I can get a message which will help me with this feeling I have. It's and emptiness that feels awful that I will never see him again. Our long conversations and jokes I will truly miss. You take care of yourself. Good Dreams! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Kirbibizzle Posted February 4, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Celia, Please keep me informed about your therapy. I feel like I need it too but I am too scared to make the commitment. I'm not exactly what you would call a people person, and it's hard for me to express my emotions in the moment. I feel like therapy for me will just bring me more pain and more harm than good. I've been grieving pretty much all day, every day. There are moments when I actually block out the fact that he's gone and can focus on myself, but they are few and far in between. It's just so empty and cold in this house without him. My dad left me all of his worldly possessions, but I feel like I'm not even close to ready to having to do this on my own. I always relied on my dad for everything, he was the one and only person who would always be there. And now he's not... and I feel so utterly lost. Celia, I know no words can bring our dads back, but I'd like to think they will be one day proud of everything we've done in our lives. I feel that keeping their memory alive, no matter how painful it may feel now, is the best way we can honor them at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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