Members marissal Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 13 months ago I lost my best friend, lover, companion. I lost my partner at life for the last 7 years. David. Nothing has been okay since he's been gone. But things keep going. Life keeps moving as much as I want it to stop. Sometimes I find myself mentally cataloging things in my head. Walking through my apartment, our home, I inventory my things, dividing them into two categories; things that he saw, that he touched, that were part of his life - and things that weren't. Couch, blanket, White Sox mug, nebulizer cups (still unwashed), sketch book, scrap of paper - his. Computer - new. Soap dispense - new. Dog toys - new. I do this half unconsciously, the things that were his giving me reassurance. We know, these things offer - we were here, we know. When I find something that is post-David...it almost causes me to panic. Panic might not be the right word, but it's close. My breath can catch in my throat, I freeze up. I don't want new. I only want him. I want our life. I don't want to be the only one to remember our life, to remember our things, to remember our stories. I don't want to be the historian. 13 months. The pain and the grief is different every month, sometimes every day, sometimes every minute. None of it is easy. This is my first post on here. It's not much of an introduction. But I'm really tired of not having anyone who understands, and I'm hoping maybe I find some understanding on here. I'm 30. My name is Marissa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Hello Marissa - I am so very sorry for your loss. Please keep coming back to this site as there are many people here feeling similar to you. People here listen and want to help. I'm sure you will find someone here to connect with if only on a post or many posts. And try the chat room for immediate exchanges. I'm double your age, but am happy to talk with you. Please take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Hi Marissa. You have come to the right place if you are looking for people who understand. Keep coming back. Check out the chat room when there are people there. There is lots of love here and, really, that is one of the things we are all missing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Austykatie Posted February 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2014 Sorry to hear of your loss Marissa. I am glad you introduced yourself! This is a great place to come for support! Even if you want to just read the posts for now you will learn your not alone! PS I am tired also and all the time. I am 36 and my name is Jody! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted February 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2014 13 months for me too Marissa. Every day is different. Some days I feel like I'm moving forward and then the next day I move back ten steps. Welcome to the forum, I'm 57 and my name is Judy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted February 11, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2014 I am sorry for your loss, Marissa. I get what you are saying about cataloguing everything. I find myself doing that with movies and tv shows - I'll think to myself, oh, we watched this together, or Daniel never got a chance to see this. As the 1 year mark approaches, I have started having little panic attacks. For instance, it was the week after Easter that he died. So when I start seeing Easter things in the store, or talking about Easter, I get this anxious feeling. Our minds do some odd things in an effort to cope with what is so very difficult. New Years really got to me because suddenly the year changed, and here was a year that he had never known, and never would. That really got to me. Anyway, I hope you do find some comfort here. I'm sure you will find many who can relate to what you are feeling. I am 47 and my name is Andrea. Blessings to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tryingtohavehope Posted February 11, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2014 Hi Marrissa, Im Ashley and Im 31. Im so sorry for your loss! Ive just recently lost my love, the beginning of Jan. I just finally got over the shock and now Im realizing he's not coming back! Just typing that put a knot in my throat! Ive been crying for days except when Im around the kids at work. I hope you find comfort from being on this site, I have so far! We are here for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tryingtohavehope Posted February 11, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2014 Hi Marissa, Im Ashley and Im 31. Im so sorry for your loss! Ive just recently lost my love, the beginning of Jan. I just finally got over the shock and now Im realizing he's not coming back! Just typing that put a knot in my throat! Ive been crying for days except when Im around the kids at work. I hope you find comfort from being on this site, I have so far! We are here for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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