Members Ladyofone Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Less than 48 hours ago, I got a call at 12:30am. Being a mom of two sons who both battled drug and alcohol addiction, late night phone calls always sent shivers down my spine. My son was found deceased in a motel bathroom. All help to revive him failed and even as I write this, my heart feels like I want to die it hurts so bad. He was in another state and now we are waiting for his remains to be flown to where we live so we can have the memorial service asap. I feel like dying would be easier and have thought of it many times the past few hours. I cannot bear this pain...how can I ever breath out again...I feel like it's part dream part nightmare and that at any moment...I can escape if I try hard enough. The story of his life is very sad and tragic, he struggled with drug addiction and very low self esteem and depression. I don't even know what the cause of death is yet, we assume it was drugs. He called me the day it happened and said he had been having seizures due to hypoglycemia...I think he had given up and wanted to die and it was his way of telling me. Or maybe God just put it on his heart to call me one last time so I could hear his voice and tell him I loved him. How do I do this, I don't think I can. I think it's not humanly possible to navigate this kind of intense pain. We are a chrisitan family and have prayed and prayed, but I don't feel anything but profound desire to escape. It reminds me of child brith when he was born the pain was so bad I wanted to walk away I feel the same now, but I wish it was over a cliff instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Ladyofone... I am so...so sorry. Please...please hold on tight. You are not alone. My son also battled addictions for some years after high school, although he did finally beat it this last year. Best year of his life, but then random violence cut his life short. This is so hard, I know. I hope you will share more, because this site has been a lifeline for me. I also had thoughts about suicide...maybe not serious...I don't know...but then I found this site and met some amazing people who also had lost a child, and they saved me. Maybe literally... There are many of us who post on the "Loss of an Adult Child" thread and I know they would love to share with you also. They are like my second family now. Lots of pain...but lots of healing too. You are very new as I was a few months ago, so I don't have much wisdom to give you other than I am better being here. I will be thinking of you and praying for some peace in the next few days. This is a safe site where you can yell...scream...let it out...and everyone will know where you're coming from. Hold on tight right now. God might seem far away...I felt the same...but I know he's there for us... I have seen things over the last few months that tell me I am not alone...and you are not alone either. We're all good listeners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members momto7 Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Dear lady...please breathe...breathe,,,,yes yes yes I get it..my son also Aug 2012...his 5 children, sister and I found Brian gone...breathe...he will let you know he's OK...as a Christian....I know I know..I'm learning to breath...you will too..I get it and many here get it...try not to 'try to figure this out'... God IS still good. Bless you now in Jesus Name with a foggy brain and a heart held in His hands...I pray this for myself also Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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