Lost my step-children, feels like I can't breathe, please help

[kennie83]

I was in a long-term relationship where two beautiful kids were involved. I loved them as if they were my own, and now that the relationship had to end, I am realizing I'll never see them again. I love those children more than myself, more than life itself. I don't know what to do, the pain is literally unbearable, its like they died or something and I seriously don't feel like I can cope with this. I don't know how to handle this pain, it has left me yearning for an end to everything... Can anyone help me, I don't know what I might end up doing

[dekrast]

Well, first off, I am so very sorry for you and for those children.  It's a loss for them as well.  Please reach out to a mental health professional. I thought that I could handle my daughters death on my own. I wanted to die too.  I still do sometimes.  My words may mean nothing, BUT, think of all of the people that would be destroyed if you were gone. 

[remainhopeful]

Hello Kennie83:

Such a loss can certainly cut you very deep.  I don't understand from personal experience but I can only imagine.  So very sorry for what you are going through. Sad also about what the kids are probably feeling.    Not sure about the details regarding the separation and your not being able to see the kids.  Would it be possible to put your expressions of love for them to paper.  Perhaps writing them letters that are positive, refreshing and optimistic.  Even if you are not able to give it to them right away, you will be able to save them and perhaps pass them on at a future time.  Imagine the love they will feel in getting them.  Will be a type of confirmation that you never stopped caring and at the same time a coping mechanism for you.  Never give up trying to show them love.  Children can never have enough "loving and caring" adults in their life.   

[Blackrock]

Kennie83, those kids are still here so you can talk to the father to work out something. I don't see how their father would refuse to have more people to love his kids and maybe u can even adopt them as your own. Throw in some incentives if u have to. But I'll do whatever I can to gain more closeness and maybe even custody as stepmom.

you're caring for them and not harming them. It will hurt them if u're not in their lives and u need to make the dad Knows that too.

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[JD99501]

An End? Life has its intrigue. From the anxiety end I sympathize. Reality is the children are alive. Don't allow your self to fall into a trap here. In fairness in a soft way you did loose them. But you will see them again even if just in passing, a view from the edge of a park, driving by. The rest of us here live in an eternal hell as we can never see our children again. Carrying a delusional level of guilt, shame, and burdon. Something you will not have to endure.

Thankfully your not suffering as the rest of us are and in time your new life will replace this one. Our case is that of an eternal nightmare. Yours..........will be but another memory in your life.

I suggest you buy a large amount of daisies. And for each one will be for every day they are alive. As you pull each one say there name and say they are alive. Because none of us here can say that. Which means you have far more than us. And when they are all gone. The petals will be every where. And in your hands will be the remains of what was a pretty flower. All that remains are the bruised and tattered remains of what was once something of beauty. And in that you will see all of us.