Members AllisonGrace6 Posted January 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 I'm only 15, and I lost my dad October 24th, 2013. He was only 54. He had ALS or commonly known as Lou Gehrig disease. He got diagnosed with it around 2008 or so. You're not expected to live very long with that diagnosis. Fortunately I got more time with my dad than what was expected. When he first got diagnosed I had no clue what ALS or Lou Gehrig disease was. So I googled it. I thought it was just going to be like the flu or something that would go away. But sadly it wasn't. I read the symptoms and when it said patients with it don't usually live longer than 5 years with it I was crushed. It said your speech would be slurred, which my dad already started to get, then eventually you would lose all ability to swallow, talk, and even breathe. Other cases you could become completely paralyzed. My dad was an outside man and loved to work, and do anything outside. He started having muscle weakness and eventually he stopped talking because he couldn't, and had to get a feeding tube inserted because he lost the ability to swallow. I felt so had for him. He had to write me notes to talk to me and all he did was sit inside and watch tv all day. He also couldn't hold his own head up, it kind of just dangled. He suffered like that for a good year or so. I didn't like to stay at home that often him being that way, and I feel very guilty for that now. I usually stayed at my best friends house. And one day I went home to get my stuff for school the next day and no one was here, my dad's blanket was on the chair that he always sat in and he was no where to be found. I figured he was maybe in bed or feeding himself or in the bathroom (he struggled in the bathroom often, too.). So I didn't bother to say anything. The next day my mom came to pick me up from my friends and she had called me multiple times and left a voicemail saying it was really important and she was on her way. When she finally got there I knew as she stepped out the car. She was wearing an all black outfit and had this look or her face. I thought to myself, please don't let it be. I asked her it's dad isn't it? And she sadly shook her head. I just fell to the ground crying, and screaming no. I went to my best friend and she knew how sick my dad was. We just cried together. Me her and my mom. I still miss him and think about him everyday to this day. I love you so much in miss you daddy. You'll always be in my heart. Gone but never forgotten. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted January 28, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2014 AllisonGrace,I am so very sorry about the loss of your father. You will always love him, and that's so okay. How are you doing with everything? Are you talking to anyone--maybe a school counselor about it? Do you talk to your mom? We will be here for you.ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AllisonGrace6 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2014 Thank you! I guess I'm doing okay.. I'm really close to my mom and we talk about it but not too often, because it makes her sad and cry and I can't stand seeing my mom upset and crying. I talked to her last night and told her that I really missed him and she just started crying and so did I. Sometimes I try not to think about the sad things, but the good things, like the good times we shared. But sometimes I just can't handle it. And I usually go to my best friend or close friends and talk about it. I only told a couple of my close friends about it, I don't want like all my school to know, because I don't really want extra attention I guess. I don't want people to see my at school and be like Oh my gosh, that's the girl who's dad passed away, I feel so sorry for her. I really don't want that, I only told about 5 people. But no, I haven't talked to a school counseler. At school when I'm around people or in class I don't think about it so I'm fine. But when I'm home I do. My mom said I could go visit and talk to someone about it if I wanted to but I told her I would be fine. Yesterday I found some old pictures of him and put it in a photo album to look at when I miss him. I have two older brothers and I talk to them about it, but it usually doesn't come up around the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Blackrock Posted January 28, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2014 Am so sorry for your loss. I know u have friends and family to rely on but we're also here for you. I found that by reading other people's story and sharing your own will make the recovery better. Like u said, your dad is always in your heart. And don't blame ur self as that's part of grieving. Take care of ur mom. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AllisonGrace6 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2014 I do and thank you! I have realized talking about it finding other people who have lose their dad helps me feel better. I feel bad for my mom. I love her so much and hate to see her hurt. I will do my best to comfort her, but thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Kirbibizzle Posted January 29, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 Allison, I can't imagine how that must have felt for you to watch your dad go through all of that at such a young age. I'm only 10 years older than you, and my dad just passed away too, so please know that you are not alone in this. The hurt that you are going to feel sometimes is going to be crushing. It's going to be painful, and it's going to be sad, and you're going to want to block it out. Your mom is hurting just like you are. Everyone grieves in different ways. If you ever feel like talking, don't be afraid to just talk. It feels much better to say things out loud than to not say anything at all. Even if no one else can hear you, your dad can. Talk to him if you want. I know you feel guilty about not wanting to be around your dad in that condition, and it is completely normal and completely understandable. He's your dad, he's supposed to be strong. Seeing him in any other way doesn't make sense. The best way to remember your dad is how you felt being with him before the disease took over. Remember all of the times you and your dad spent together. Honor your father's memory with good memories, not the bad ones. And whatever you do, do not ever blame yourself or anyone else for what happened to your dad. I know that sounds impossible to do, but your dad was put on Earth to nurture you as much as he could, for as long as he could. Everything he ever did was for the benefit of you and your family. He loved you as much as you love him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AllisonGrace6 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 That really means a lot. I just wish I could have spent more time with him, 15 years is now where near enough time. I know this may sound weird but I got on my Facebook last night and I was reading messages he sent me over summer while I was the beach and I saw where he had messaged me and said Allison, I hope you are having a good time and even though I am no longer able to say it anymore I want you to know I love you so much. And I just started crying so hard. So I sent him a message even though he won't see it. It made me feel better. I just said how I never really got a proper chance to say good bye so I was going to now. And I said how I remember all the good memories we had when he would take me and my brothers out to eat or when he would take me golfing, and how not a day goes by that I don't think about him or miss him or how I wish he was still here and things were the way they were before he got sick. And I won't ever forget him and stuff like that. I hated seeing him the way he was and I know he hated it to. My dad used to love to be independent and do stuff outside and now he couldn't even hold his own head up, or eat or talk or anything. I know he was strong about it though, for us. I saw him cry only a couple times. My dad was brave and strong man and I will always remember him how strong he was and caring. I try to remember him happy and good but not sick. And I'm sorry about your loss as well. I'm glad I'm not alone, and I know things will get better with time. I hope anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CeliainSD Posted February 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Hi, AllisonGraceI Loss my Dad on January 20th and it feels empty without him. When your are ready you should go talk to someone it will help with the grieving. Your Mom is grieving also so she can't say things to help you cope but someone else can. I'm going to go see someone this Friday and I'll let you know if it helps. Get a journal and write in it this is very helpful. I feel sad everyday but knowing my Dad isn't in pain anymore helps me cope he also was sick He would be very sad if he knew I was really unhappy without him so I talk to him everyday and tell him how Happy I am that he's free. It makes me feel better but I still miss him so much. Let's keep in touch and help each other through this. As time passes I hope i will only think of the good memories. I've never lost anyone I've Loved so much in my life so yes it's going to be hard.Blessings to you and your Mom. Celia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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