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Guest Kirbibizzle

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I am sorry for the loss of your Dad and I know exactly how you feel, believe me.


You feel guilty for two reasons :   firstly, because you cared about your Dad and secondly because guilt is a part of grief when you lose someone close to you.


I have guilt also about my Dad's passing away , but  this post isn't about me and my Dad.

It is a terrible thing this ' what if only I had ..... ' .

It never goes away because you can never be 100% certain one way or the other.


But to be honest, from what you have written , your Dad had multiple problems, any one of which could have quickly proved fatal.

You were with him, and that was a blessing, and he didn't die a long lingering painful death.


If you want to place the guilt  somewhere, you should place it with the cigarette companies, because as you realise, all your Dad's problems  ( like my own father's ) were due to years of heavy smoking.


No one can take your guilt away , but in time you can be more rational and see that  it wasn't your fault at all.


Sometimes things happen over which we have absolutely no control, however hard we try, or however hard we wish.

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Kirbiboh, Tom is right, with all that was wrong with your dad it was a blessing  that God allowed him to go quickly, and he didn't die a long lingering painful death. What you are feeling is normal, the pain you feel will lesson in time.  And the memory of the last few day will be replaced with only the good memories  you have of your dad.

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When reading your story, it gave me goose bumps because I thought u're telling my own story. I went through a very similar experience a few months ago with my own dad. I had so much guilts and couldn't believe that he's gone. Tonite am thinking about my dad and that's why am here. This site really helps and there are many supports here for u. Feel free to vent and write it out.

I have a friend who's brother passed away suddenly due to brain rupture last yr. He was only half ur dad's age. This illness takes everyone. don't blame ur self as everything happened by fate. Ur dad lived a good life and he's in heaven now.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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One of our local politicians, a health-freak and daily jogger, collapsed while out running.

He was treated immediately, rushed to the best local hospital, and you can bet he had priority attention and top professionals to treat him.

He had a ruptured cerebral aneurysm, like your Dad, and he died a few days later.

Sadly, it seems when an aneurysm ruptures and the effects present themselves with pain/blackouts , it is usually already beyond the point of no return, according to a doctor on tv.


If the mass in your Dad's lungs was a cancer, he would have probably died a painful lingering death. 

The way he passed  might have been a blessing in some sort of way.


It seems unlikely neither you nor the surgeons could have done anything to return your Dad to normal.


You feel guilty, just as I do over my own Dad's passing away, but sometimes things just 'happen' . We are human beings. We are not able to perform miracles or forsee the future.


I will always feel guilty, thinking the ' what if .... ' , and maybe so will you.

It's like mental torment, I know.

Thinking 'what if' is  not really rational , but the grief of losing someone that you loved trumps the rational.

We must strive to be at peace with ourselves, but I have no solutions as to how to do it or how long it will take.

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