Members WestCoastGirl Posted January 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 26, 2014 My dad passed away December 17 2013. He just turned 60 and he was just about to retire.. he never got the chance... he was a hard working man that gave everything to his family. November 15 he had a violent seizure in front of me, I called 911 and he was rushed to the hospital. They did CT scans of his body and found out he had lung cancer and brain cancer. It was the worst moment in my life. The cancer was evil and it took away his eyesight and paralyzed his left arm. I could not believe this amazing man who was my anchor and strong..was breaking down in front of me. I have so much anger for the cancer. It tried to take away EVERYTHING. Well IT DID NOT TAKE away his character or his dignity, but oh it tried. It never took away who he was as a person and what he contributed to society. Why do great men fall? Now here I am , a grown woman and I feel like a little girl again crying for my daddy. The ashes have been spread... the condolences have stopped and I am left looking for him, in my head. I grieve for what he went through in the hospital.. it was so unfair, he did not have an easy death and images of him suffering haunt me. I don't know how to deal with that. I grieve also for my loss of him. Some days I am better but I'm still in shock because I was so close to him, we had a special bond and I wonder how I can go on with out him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members traveler1959 Posted January 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 26, 2014 West, sorry about your dad, I lost my wife to cancer in Nov. of last year. I had to put pictures of my wife all over the house to try to erase the memory of the way she looked before she died.. It seem to help, but I still have moments where i remember but are getting fewer and fewer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Trish91 Posted January 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 26, 2014 Hello West, I am really sorry for your loss, and completely understand what you are going through. I also lost my mom on the 17th of December 2013, to lung cancer, which had spread to both her bones and her liver. I also cannot help but constantly think about those last few weeks, the pain in her left hip and leg, the lack of appetite, the inability to go to the toilet on her own, and ultimately, in the last two days of her life, her difficulty to breathe, and the fact that I was there hearing those gurgling noises and, in the end, seeing her die slowly until she took her last breath. It all was extremely traumatic to me, and still is. I just cannot believe it actually happened, as she was perfectly fine six month ago, a year ago. I miss her so much every single day that it is hard to describe with words how hard it is. I cry pretty much every day. She was only in really bad shape over the last five weeks of her life, before that, she was full of life and energy, and never smoked a single cigarette in her life, neither did my father or anybody in our household. The cancer tried to destroy her spirit and her mind, and did a pretty good job at that, though she was at peace with everybody around her, with God and herself, and was always really strong and lucid regardless of her tragedy and suffering. However, not being able to act like the independent and autonomous person that she had always been really affected her, and the pain was undeniable and took over her life, our lives. I cannot believe that in this day and age medical ´science´ cannot really help those suffering from cancer. Their suffering is not really or properly alleviated, as pain killers are not really a solution, just a temporary relief! I don´t know what to say to you, because I loved and love my mom very much, she was my very best friend, my soul sister, my biggest supporter and inspiration, and I miss her every second of every day. All I do is pray, talk to her and God, write, keep busy, talk to my husband, father, family and closest friends, and try to live one day at the time, and sometimes, one hour at the time. This site has been a blessing, and I am planning on taking part in more online and face to face bereavement support groups, and read and read relevant books to help myself through this, the most difficult and painful situation in my life. Our parents loved us, they are no longer suffering, they are at peace and full of joy right now, and we have to believe that they are with us in spirit and that we will see them again when our time comes. It is a tough fight, the toughest, but we have no choice except go on with our lives and honor the memories of our departed loved ones. Warm regards, Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AllisonGrace6 Posted January 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 I don't want to say I know what you're going through because I don't exactly. But I also lost my dad too. He passed away October 24th 2013. I am like you. Sometimes I'm okay but other times I really start thinking about how he isn't here anymore and how much I miss him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WestCoastGirl Posted March 27, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted March 27, 2014 Thanks, I am still struggling, I am haunted by images of him suffering... and now the reality of my life is setting in and I don't see him or hear his voice...I was hoping it would be easier 3 and half months later but it's not for me, the wound is raw. I don't know how to live the rest of my life without him in it My soul feels empty and I hate saying that becasue I feel weak but a part of me os gone :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claudiamarie Posted March 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 27, 2014 I lost my father to three forms of cancer un July of 2013. He chose not to do chemo but he did radiation on his left leg. he also had prostate and lung cancer. It was the lung cancer that caused him to pass away. I am angry at cancer. Angry that it took my Dad from me. I will say prayers for those on this forum that they have the strength to go on. I go on and still mourn. But I will survive, I am an only child and I have to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kntuckyrain Posted March 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2014 I am so sorry for your loss. I watched my Dad suffer for some time before he died, 2/14/14. Like your Dad my Dad was a great man too. I was in go mode trying to take care of him and advocate for him. I was there when he died and those final minutes i can mot shake. Do you have ok days? I do... The last few were bad....so I decided to reach out here. I don't feel comfortable talking about it. I don't know if you are a Daddy's girl, I am. Losing him is the absolute worse thong that has ever happened to me. I hope we can communicate more in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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