Terrible moments when you remember that they are gone

[Dosh Garnett]

I have been up and down since my mom died on Dec 14th. Tonight, I sat down at home, on my own, and wondered what I should do. Moments later, I thought to myself that I should probably call my mom as I hadn't talked to her in what seemed like weeks. I am gutted now, remembering that I can't really talk to her in that way anymore. :'( What a horrible feeling. I was doing so well and in the past couple of days, I keep having more and more moments like this when I realize that she is gone... forever. I miss my mom and it's such a horrible feeling. 

[sincerelysherry]

It is odd that you wrote that tonight because I thought the same thing a few minutes ago and started to cry. My Mom died December 1st a year ago and it has been a horrible year. I got up out of my chair and said to myself I wanted to call Mom. So, after my cry, I will be okay. Things will get better for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Vivi]

Hi Dosh, I can really relate to the way that you are feeling! I lost my mom one year ago today, and the pain is unbearable. My mom lived with me, She was my best friend! I go downstairs & see an empty chair, & bed, & the silence is deafening. They say that time heals, but for me that is not the case. I lost my dad 24 years ago, & the pain remains. Being an only child, I had a very close bond with them both, & find it very had to go on without them! However, I know that I must.  I am so sorry that you are going through this also!  Take care!

[Trish91]

Hi Dawn and all,

 

I read what you wrote in the section regarding terminal illnesses, and I just wanted to say how incredible a person you seem to be. What you have been through has been incredibly tough, but you are still going and being as strong as ever.

 

It wasn´t just your mother´s passing, but also the illness, the many months when she was so sick and you had to make so many tough decisions, in addition to those at your work and at home, with your partner......

 

Thank you for explaining about your mom in our recent communication. I am all for adoption, I have always been, and have always believe that parents are those who look after us and bring us up, not those who simply give birth to us. Of course, parents are never perfect, they all have issues, as do we. Nobody has a manual or knows how to raise children until they are doing so.

 

My mom was a wonderful person, friend, daughter, sister, wife, professional and, above all, mother, but she wasn´t perfect, and neither am I. In fact, I am always wondering if I could have done a lot more or done it better. It is human nature I suppose, and also part of the grieving process, to question ourselves, our behavior and at times feel very guilty for not having been as perfect as we would have wished.

 

Anyhow, like you, I´ve been dealing with my mom´s estate, and that, in addition to my sorrow, has been really hard, especially, as I live overseas, and was supposed to be on ´holidays´when this tragedy occurred.

 

I went to my grandparents´ and my mom´s hometown this week, as I had to get a few documents and I also went to the city where I grew up and where my dad still lives, and it was so hard. It brought back so many memories! Everywhere I went I saw my mom and remembered things as if they´d happened yesterday. I cannot believe this is happening to me. I mean, I know it happens to everybody at some stage, but I didn´t think it´d happen to me so soon, in my mid thirties and without my brother´s support, as he also lives overseas, and was unable to travel on time to see our mom before she passed. They´d seen each other very recently though, but I wish he´d been here with me to help me through this.

 

You know, I also feel guilty about the fact that I have become quite close to my dad, and let him stay at my mom´s many times, something that she would not have liked were she still alive, as they divorced in very bad terms and had not spoken to each other for ages. However, I needed my dad, and I hope she is not angry with me in the new dimension where she is. I do hope that she doesn´t feel betrayed by me because of this.

 

As  I said, nobody is perfect, not even our beloved and greatly missed moms.

 

I wonder though, when will this get better? Will there come a time when we feel at peace again and when our moms return to us in our dreams very often? And when those dreams are always pleasant rather than sad and about their illness and deaths?

 

Sorry, would love to hear all your thoughts.

 

Thank you all, and take care.

 

Trish