Members Alone Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 I'm old school when it comes to birthdays and send cards via snail mail (US postal service). I have just one birthday in February so I stopped at a store yesterday to purchase that birthday card early. As I was checking out, the clerk noticed my wedding ring and in a very cheery voice said "you should buy your special someone a Valentine's card before they're all picked over". I managed to squeak out a "not today thank you". I got out of the store and couldn't breathe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Austykatie Posted January 24, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2014 I am so sorry Alone! Some people assume its okay to open their mouths and say things like that until you have something like us happen in life then you know to not say those things! HUGS and stay warm, I haven't left my house all week! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted January 24, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2014 Today is the 1st anniversary of my husband's transplant... you know the one that was supposed to save him.... Anyway, I gave myself permission to stay home and do nothing. Right now I'm drinking wine and staying warm under a very soft blanket. For all you warm weather readers, it's a mere 22 below with winds gusting between 10 and 20 miles per hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Austykatie Posted January 24, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2014 Alone, Sometimes its good to take a day and do nothing! Sometimes I do it more than I should lately! Hugs and Peace... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members frankly Posted January 25, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 25, 2014 Alone - just reading that caused a lump in my throat for you. For me Valentines day, then his birthday on the 29th of Feb. then our anniversary on the 5th of March. I'm really dreading it. I have found a way to deal with comments like that for myself. I quietly look at them and say "I'm sorry, but I lost my husband". I figure that they don't know and if I say something then maybe, just maybe they will think about it the next time. Hopefully sparing someone else who is hurting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted January 25, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 25, 2014 Thank you to everyone for the kind words and support.We have so many, many firsts... Some are dates more public like holidays and others more personal like birthdays.... But they're all important and they are all hard.Please take care of your selves this Valentines... make sure to love yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DarlingD95 Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Yeah all this Valentine's stuff is nuts! I'd give anything to get my yearly roses from Jared this year! And now his twin brother & his fiancé have asked me to help them with wedding planning! Ughh! I guess we just need to be brave, huh? We just need to learn that just because we lost our reason to celebrate not everyone else did too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 I'm playing catch up today with all the posts. There have been several posts where I wanted to reply but it seems to fit here just as well. I was with my husband for 34 yrs. that is longer than some of your ages! How do I cope? Good lord, I didn't!! I couldn't because I never lost a husband before. I didn't get any help from anyone other than my mother who is 85 after my husband died. I didn't have to write thank you cards because no one did anything, nothing. It is like I really am truly alone in this life. I made a decision though. The only thing that has changed is the physical presence of my husband. I decided I would always be his wife. I talk to him all the time and I truly believe he is with me. So this Valentines Day, while I will really miss him showing up at my office with flowers and a lunch date, I decided he is still my Valentine, my Love, my one and only. He is who I love whether he is physically here or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members llovern Posted February 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 HeyJude, I share a lot of your feelings. I lost my husband of 32 years and didn't have to bother with thank you cards either. And I feel that David is still my husband and I love him so very much and talk to him too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted February 2, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 HeyJude and Lovern - I agree... my Tom is the love of my life and my valentine whether he is physically here or not! On the thank you notes, most of mine were sent to medical personnel who tried so very hard to help us. Family, friends... not so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted February 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 I agree with the last three who posted here. I start each morning kissing a picture of Tom and saying good morning to him. He is, and always will be, present in my life. Why don't we all make valentines for our sweeties and share them with each other! We still have few days left! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted February 2, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 Ooooo.... Might be x-rated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members traveler1959 Posted February 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 I have plans of putting a rose on my wife's grave on the 14th Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted February 2, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 Last year for Valentine's Day I got my Tom a heart shaped balloon that floated at the end of his bed in the hospital. "I love you" was written in bold letters across the balloon. I saw him smile so many times when he saw that balloon. Valentine's Day last year is the day the doctors told us that my Tom's cell transplant was a success. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted February 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 I can't remember whether Tom gave me a card last valentine's day. I will have to look and see if I can find one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members julsgirl Posted February 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2014 valentines day was one of jul's favorite holidays. he was always the hopeless romantic with flowers and cards and wine, candles, slow dancing in the kitchen. so i will have a glass of wine and get out all the cards he gave me and read them once again. and remember all the love. im so sorry "alone" for your experience in the card store. for a very long time i could not even enter a card store. it's been just recently i have been able to run in and get what i need. although i do avoid the "love you" aisle. i remember at one time (right after he died) i would go and read the cards and stand there crying because i could not buy them anymore. i stopped doing that as it was distructive and not healthy for me. on valentines day and every day i hope you find some peace and comfort in the memories of your love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Pastors widow Posted February 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2014 Valentine's Day was my husband and I's anniversary. It would have been 33 years this year. Last year my daughter renamed it Happy Groundhog's Day for me. I don't know what I will do on that day. I know I am a high school teacher, so Valentine's Day is a big deal. It's awful knowing that my Valentine will never be in my arms again. Amy ideas oh how to handle it this year? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Pastors widow Posted February 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2014 Valentine's Day was our anniversary. It would have been 33 years this 14th. Last year I just tried to ignore the day. I took off of work and just pretended it was another day. My daughter texted me Happy Groundhog's Day instead because she knew how hard it was. I have no idea what to do this year. It is SO hard. Any ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Pastors widow Posted February 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2014 Sorry about the repeat. My computer is acting strange. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Annie_ Posted February 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 My husband and I really only considered two dates special besides our birthdays--our wedding anniversary and Christmas Day which was the anniversary of our first date. My husband passed away two weeks before the Christmas that would have been our 8th year together. Normally we would have had a quiet day at home, I would have fixed something special for dinner, and we would have given each other a card. This Christmas, I couldn't try to do the meal he had wanted but that evening, I pulled out the stacks of cards and letters we'd saved from each other and read through each one. I cried a few times, but I also smiled several times seeing his words again and knowing that he would have written something similar for our 8th Christmas if he could have. Our wedding anniversary is coming up in March and I will probably do something similar then. If Valentine's Day was one of your special days, perhaps observing the occasion in some way that is meaningful for you will help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Brenjan Posted February 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2014 Yesterday, Valentine's Day, was my husband 's birthday and our 5th anniversary. My husband died a month and a half ago. I had thought about having our friends over to remember him since I had been planning a birthday party when he passed. But as time got closer it just seemed to hard to finish planning. I had 5 of our closest friends over, made dinner and drank wine. We toasted to my wonderful husband and talked about ur fun times, laughed and cried. It woukd have been his 65th birthday. He was put on oxygen last February and told that scare tissue from a long ago open heart surgery was stopping his lungs from expanding the way they should. He went in the hospital in November and after a month in the hospital they said he ad pulmonary hypertension and he stayed in the hospital and died another month later. It is so hard to believe how quickly our lives can change and our soul mates can leave us. I have read what everyone has been saying on this site and it is great to know tht there are others who know exactly what I'm going through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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