Members Sammijo2424 Posted January 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Yesterday I was at doctor's office for what I thought is the flu, test was negative, said it was asthmatic bronchitis, had already gone to lungs in 2 days. Ben running fever on and off and sweating profusely and then freezing, in addition, for the last 3-4 days have been really trying to keep the panic feeling down (heart racing, feeling like I am going to die, severe headache, pacing and pacing) well this morning I could not keep it stuffed down, was crying uncontrollably, all the other symptoms, called my dtr, and she talked to me awhile about other things, and got better, then 30 mins later came on full force, my friend took me to emergency clinic, and I just cried and cried to the very nice nurses and doctor. they gave me shot and script for Ativan, they hugged me before I left saying they would be praying for me, was really surprised. My husband's birthday is this Friday, first since his death on 2-8-13, it is hitting me so hard, I don't even understand it. I dream about him every night, wake thinking I have to call him or looking for him, the other day as I was trying to wake up thought I saw my Ron walking into bedroom smiling. I never thought it would be this bad again but this is heart wrenching for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted January 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering like that. I have been having something similar to panic attacks this week, too. I had to go to an emergency clinic which stressed me out MORE because it was so crowded and full of sick people. Do you have people around to help you through this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Annie_ Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 I had to go to the emergency room after receiving my husband's autopsy results. They also put me on Atavan and it has been helping me. I've been taking the recommended dose for a little over a week and now my therapists says I'm doing well enough that I can start to back off some if I want. That way eventually I can get to the point where I'm not taking it regularly, only as needed when the grief and anxiety get really bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Austykatie Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Sammyjo, I am so sorry to hear that! Hugs and Hugs and Hugs! I really hope you feel better soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sammijo2424 Posted January 23, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Backyarder, I have one friend, my kids all live away, my husband's family who live here have ostracized me for reasons I do not know, my brothers and sisters all live about an hour away and have never shared a lot with them, my church, well I have not been going to in awhile because I am still angry they just abandoned me. Sounds a lot like I am just feeling sorry for myself. I thank God every day for my friend, but she has 2 small kids and most of the time if we do anything they are with us, though she is getting a babysitter friday night (husband's birthday) and we are doing something. I had asked 2 of my daughters to come home and we would go release balloons for his birthday but they conveniently had other things to do.I am just having such a hard time right now, constant panic, and being sick surely is not helping, I really feel like I am losing it, having a nervous breakdown or maybe going crazy. I see counselor tomorrow, hopefully he can help some. Lately i have just been lying in bed, staring at tv or book not wanting to do anything, this started before i even got sick. i do not want to be this crazy, mentally incompetent, needy person. On feb 4th I leave for California to spend a week with my dtr and grandchildren. I just do not want to be alone on his angel date 2-8. I am just so tired of being all alone, lonely. I did start up a meet up group for women looking for friends, first meet is 1-28, hope that will help some. Started volunteering at school, but can't go up there sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Sammijo, I think we all feel crazy sometimes. I mean, those of us suffering grief. But I also think the things we eat and drink can play a huge role in or emotions and even our physical symptoms. I know when I am feeling bad, I have a tendency to crave carbs (bread, pasta, etc) and sugar but actually those things are really bad for our bodies and our minds. They can actually CAUSE depression! I think its good that you started a meetup group but keep in mind, it might not be what you need. I have a meetup group that has over 380 members and a lot of the members are wilder and more "out there" then I want and need. Also, although I don't want to offend anyone here, women can be gossipy, judgmental and all sorts of other things that you don't need right now. Personally, I would suggest that you go to a grief support group rather than a group of women who may not be able to relate to what you are experiencing. I go to several groups and there are LOTS of members who are still grieving their losses well past the one year mark. They will understand you, be willing to listen to you and probably even give you some much needed hugs. I get much more of what I need right now from my "grief" buddies than I do from most of my other friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted January 24, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2014 Sammijo - I am truly sorry for what you are dealing with. I can sympathize somewhat. I have a best friend who has been my best friend since we were 5, and I'm afraid I lean on her more than I should. I have some other friends, but they have not all been there for me, and my family is not the most supportive. My husband's family is all in Alabama, so I can call them, but that's all. I really hope that the meetup helps you, and perhaps you find some others who can understand what you are going through and maybe you can help each other. I absolutely agree about not being alone on his angel date. Many blessings to you, and I truly hope that you begin to feel better soon and are able to get back out there for some much needed support. Take care of yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted January 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 Sammijo - Why didn't you write me??? Gosh, I feel so awful for you. I know how that panic wells up in your chest, almost choking you. I get that all the time but am able to squash it down before it pours out in ways that nobody wants to see. I totally agree with getting into a Grief Support Group. Your in a very well populated area, right? You should be able to find something to go to. And I agree about the meetup group. This isn't what you need right now. You need to be around people who know first hand what your dealing with. I work full time and don't really get the amount of time that I would really love to devote to this forum. But I will make a concentrated effort to be here more to check up on you, okay? I know your heading into some very hard days. I just made it to the other side of mine. The anticipation of those days was worse than the day itself. The other grief support group that I'm a member of, The Widdahood...the lady who runs it wrote a book. It is called "Confessions of a Mediocre Widow" and it is soooo good!!! Amazon has it, go online and get you a copy. I know you will enjoy it and it really helps to let you know that you are not the only person experiencing what your going through. We all tend to have the same issues at just about the same points in our grieving process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sammijo2424 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 I am not having the panic so much now but so severely depressed, hard to even get out of bed. Today someone came to my door, rang doorbell 4 times and knocked a lot but I would not go to door, most days I turn ringer off on phone. I just want to sleep and dream of husband. I just keep telling myself...I just want to be with Ron, I just want to be with him, why can't I be with him.I am going to try my best to go to grief support group tonight, don't know since I have not been out of bed today, first I have to get a shower, which right now would be a huge accomplishment. Lord, just help me outta this bed.Thankfully next Tuesday I leave for my dtr's house in California, I just could not be here on his angel date, I want to be as far as possible away from here. We are going to the beach on that date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Sammi - it may be a good idea to see your doc about getting an antidepressant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sammijo2424 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Oh I have been on one for almost a year now, and definitely not willing to change, I am actually doing better the last few days, was at school 2 days this week reading to kids in the library and today went looking for wedding dress for dtr who is getting married may 4th. Tuesday I am flying to California for a week, going to Disneyland on THE day, that should be fun, haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted February 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 I'm glad your doing better. I hate this life, the sadness and such drastic change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.