In 2 days it will be one year...

[andysgirl]

And I just can't believe it. I replay that day in my head over & over again & each time I envision a different outcome & now here I am 363 days later and I'm not sure how a year has passed without him. Earlier in the week I had a few breakdowns but the last few days the tears have not come, just extreme tiredness & numbness.

I know I have to pick myself up one of these days, (I've been off work for almost 4 months after a total breakdown, I am totally shutting people out) but I'm just struggling to see the point. If I could sleep through the next few days it would be wonderful. But I have to get up & even though my mom & a girlfriend are going to spend some time with me that day I'll feel alone like I have every day since he passed.

I hate this.

[obakesan]

we all hate it ... I wish you strength to find a way forward.

I personally try to focus on what gifts in life she has given me. Ways of thinking, happy times (when I could have been suffering with some complete bitch). The knowledge of what love is.

After the sunshine comes the darkness. But Sunshine will come again.

[HeyJude]

obakeson - that is part of an audio book I just finished listening to.  We should try to remember them by thinking of the positives they brought to our lives.  What good qualities did they bestow on us?  How is our life better for having known them?  My husband used to tell me that I was his angel and that I saved his life more than once.  Actually, he was MY angel, I was so incredible blessed to have had such a wonderful, warm, funny man in my life.  And for 34 years too!!