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11months today...


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It seems weird to think that today is 11months since Jim's accident! Where has time gone? Why does it feel like yesterday that it happen yet at the same time I feel like Jim never existed? I have not cried yet today and I am not sure I will, however I did enough crying for a year on Monday! I have been an emotional roller coaster lately! I cant stop looking at the calendar and having anxiety about his one year mark coming.


My son asked me today what we are going to do on Jim's one year mark of leaving us, my response was nothing.. He was like "mom we cant just lay around all day", of course I feel like that is all I will want to do! I am sure we will maybe go to his grave however we have never been there yet and then go to one of his favorite restaurants. I just don't want to "celebrate" him leaving.. I want to remember him and sleep that day! We will see what happens. It seems like all I want to do is sleep yet I can never sleep! Figure that one out!


So after 11 months has it gotten better someone asked me today? Answer: Hell no..not better, easier yes but not better! How can life be better after someone dies!


Thanks again everyone for all the support I have gotten here! I feel like this is my second family and can actually talk about my feelings without being judged on what I say or feel!


Love and Peace to all!

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I was surprised today....

Today was okay.....

Even though it was one of those "firsts'...

I had coffee with someone who just listened...

She just accepted that today was tough...

This is someone who is new in my life, a friend of a relative who is willing to give me some of her time....


I am grateful that all of you are willing to give me some of your time....

I pray that I give you enough of my time....

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Austykatie, my thoughts are with you.  I am sure having that 1 year mark coming up is very difficult.  I too have found myself looking at the calendar more now that we are into 2014 and I know in a few short months that mark will be here for me, too.  I don't know what me and the girls will do, but like you, it's certainly not something we want to "celebrate."  Just remember.


I hope that you are able to find a plan that works for you and brings you some peace.  And I hope the roller coaster smooths out for you a bit.  But I can relate!  I have gotten to where I have several times every day that I just burst into tears.  It's always at times when I have too much time to think - I wish I could just turn my mind off.


Hugs to you.

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