Going through the grief.

[frankly]

How do you "go through" it?

I've read and read. I'm not sure what that really means. That avoidance only makes the grief longer. Pills just mask the pain until they wear off. I don't want to become dependent on them. How do you embrace the grief to get through it faster? I can't stand it any more. This pain, this longing, this feeling of no hope for happiness ever again.

How do I make it stop? Just for a little while. Just a tiny little break. Each day seems to bring bigger waves. I can't breath, my heart races non stop, like I'm afraid. Scared to death actually. Fight or flight. There is no where to run to, nothing to fight.

Does "going through it" mean I just have to continue to experience this pain until it eases on its own?

I'm home bound, no means or ability to leave. Home health care nurse comes, but insurance only covers one more visit. I am alone. Little support system. Jerry was my support system. He was my caregiver, my friend, my life.

Please give me some suggestions on how I can get a handle on this. How do you be good to yourself when nothing brings enjoyment? I can't read, my concentration keeps slipping to him. I can't even play games on the computer any more to distract myself. I'm just stuck, in a never ending cycle of memories and longing and tears.

I'm not a religious person, so what can I hold on to, to get through this?

[natyj]

I'm so sorry for loss. You have to just take your time. It really is sEcond by second some days. It will be two years on May 11 for me. There is not a second that goes by that I don't miss him. I still cry! There is no manual and no one grIeves the same. Talking helps and doing new things too! I knOw they don't want us to be sad. . But Sometimes that's the only emotion. Hang in there...there are lots of supportive people on here. Just allow yourself to go through what you are feeling at the moment and don't let anyone tell you how your suppose to go through this new journey we are now on.. our new norm!

[backyarder1]

Frankly, your loss is still very, very new. I don't think there is any magical way to be further along in the process than you want to be. Since you can't get out of the house, my best suggestion for you is to find some people you can call on the phone and talk to. That really helps. I don't know what county you live in but if you tell me, I'll try to track down some resources for you. I live in Brevard County and we have a website called 211Brevard http://www.211brevard.org/

If you contact them, they might be able to direct you to the right organizations in your county.

[frankly]

backyarder, I'm in Lake county. In the middle of nowhere. The peace and quite used to be my tranquility. Our tranquility. Now it is just quiet.

[lost&alone]

frankly - What a different proccess I am having. It has been 9 days and nothng has hit me yet. I start to cry and then it just stops. Next week I go back to work and I am so afraid that the worst will start then. All I keep thinking is "this wasn't supposed to happen" and "I don't know how to do this." I hope you get a much needed break soon.

[Alone]

So many things we do in our lives move along a fairly straight line. You learn something and each time you do it you're a little bit better, a little further along and you understand it a little bit better. For me, grief is more of a scribble than a straight line. I go forward and back and side to side without any discernible pattern. I think I'm moving forward and then something yanks me back or sends me spiraling this way and that. Rarely I am propelled forward as that direction seems to come in inches rather than feet.

For me, I am best when I have tasks. But some days I don't have the energy for tasks. And then there are days when I don't have tasks so I try to create some. But some days I don't have the energy to create anything. And then there are the days where I am a whirlwind and accomplish everything on my list. All I can do is what I can do today. I keep reminding myself that whatever I got done today was ENOUGH as it is what I could do today. For each of us the journey will differ. For me, I'm trying to get the scribbles to be smaller.

[skywave68]

My Soul Mate left me last November. For about one day -- it was so still and quiet. After that: a raging storm of tears. Anger. Desperation. Trying to bargin with it. It's now some 8 weeks later and I still feel as if I am going to run right into him coming around a corner at home. That too is slowly starting to pass. There are so many places I cannot go to. Restraunts. Move theaters. TV Shows I cannot bear to watch. I boil everything down to him. How he would react/say/do. Even department stores. That was really hard over Christmas. I had to literally run out of the store with tears streaming down my face. I still occasionally have a good breakdown. I had to put his things in a bag and put it in the closet. I cannot bear to see them. I look for him everywhere; like he's going to just pop up and say "hello" or something... We met in May of 2013. We only knew each other for appx 7 months. But we connected on so many levels. Now this happens. I still love him so much. ... But now there's someone else trying to take my heart. I can't let that happen. My heart will always belong to Joe.

[backyarder1]

Hi Frankly. Here is the place to start to find some resources in your area that may be able to help you: http://www.lccrg.com/

You can call the phone number listed or go through the PDF guide.

Please don't be afraid to reach out for the help you need.

Hugs,

Betsy

[miekevson]

I understand that part of not being able to shop and see places. I actually haven't been anywhere but the grocery store. Every time I see something I think oh, I can get that for Duke... than I think oh no... I don't have to anymore... it's like someone punches you in the stomach.

 

As for his stuff, I cleaned up the bathroom, it had many things from the medical care still which I didn't want to see but also his cologne and stuff. I was cleaning up a bit but just put it all in the spot where it's "supposed to go" in HIS spot. I haven't touched any of his other things. I had a busted pipe after a good freeze this week and we always fixed these things together, he taught me how to do it so I thought I can do this. I went to the garage but couldn't tell the diference between a screwdriver or a hammer the tears just blurred my vision. I decided to call a plumber in stead.

 

When I go into the closet and see all his clothes, I get sad, mad and I just close it real quickly again. I have token out a few pieces of clothing and keep the closet closed as much as possible.

 

My dog is all over the place, I feel bad for her, she's missing him as well and wants attention but she right now just makes me nervous and upset. She was his dog. I feel bad for the puppy and push myself to not be mean and yell at her, she doesn't know where her daddy went...She doesn't understand, I don't even understand...

 

I lie awake until my eyes won't stay open no more. I wake up and feel the coldness again. I just want to go back to sleep. I haven't been out of bed for 2.5 weeks only for the cremation, scattering of his ashes and to get something to eat twice. I can't eat either until I really get sick from being hungry.

 

I've lost my dad a few years back and that hit me hard. I was daddies little girl but for some reason, this is worse for me. I guess it's because I've spent my life with this man, he was my soul-mate, the only one who really understood me and we did EVERYTHING together, 24/7 for the past 9 years. It's tough to have to do it alone to find meaning in living without him.