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Help me help my mom


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In 2005, my step dad died after a 6 month bout with  esophegal cancer.  My mother's grieving process has been lengthy. 

My sister and I are preparing to confront her and plea for her to get some help.  She refuses to attend grief support groups (because she doesn't want to hear people whine and cry about their loss although she will), she didn't like anti-depressants because they gave her diarreah, made her constipated, sleepy...etc. 

Since Dad died, she's bought a house and 6 acres which she has trouble managing, she has been on a 2 trips to Cancun (her and dad never travelled abroad), she's getting things more technologically advanced (cell phones, internet, satelite television) and is constantly calling tech support and wasting money because she can't figure out how to operate them.  Up until recently, she never had central heat and air...It's new to her.  We never had it growing up at the old house.  The unit is running fine, but she has the repair man come out because she thinks it's broke.  I know its 'operator error' but you can't tell her she's wrong and wasting her money because she knows everything and won't be told any differently.

She's mixing concoctions in order to save money (like putting mouthwash in liquid soap to make it 'antibacterial') and I dare not say what she told me she used Clorox Wipes for!  Her clean laundry smells soured, but she can't smell it (and she's very sensitive to smells).

She's not even 62 yet and is going through the money Dad left her like sand.  My sis and I are afraid she will have nothing left go retire on. 

She is spending alot of time with her brothers and sister too.  Dad wasn't a real fan of this when he was alive.  He was very conservative.  They are very free spirited and careless with finances.  Her siblings have been at the very root of every bad finacial decision she's made since Dad's death.

My mother has alway been a bit scattered, but now I am fearing for her safety and sanity.  My sister won't leave her children with mom alone because mom acts nervous around them.  My daughter is a teen and I chose not to let her spend time this summer because my mom has lashed out at her about stupid petty things (like the eggs weren't cut to her specifications and what side of the bed to sleep on).

Mom's best friend sees this too.  My sister talked about this with her extensively.  Her siblings don't.  They thing she's all fine and having the time of her life blowing money and taking trips.  They don't see that she's fixing to retire with nothing or how she is at home or how many repair man types have taken her money and ran.

HELP...WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO? She's not in the best of health physically or mentally.  Any advise is greatly appreciated.


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Hi am brenda,


It seems to me that you mum is living in her own world right now, and the things that she has been doing and buying tells me that she is not ready or willing to face the reality of her husband's death. 


Since she is not listening to anyone's advice, the best thing that you can do for her is to Pray for her to have a realization of her problem.


Also if you can get her to cry about the death, this would make her feel a little better; to do this you can remind her of how much he loved her, and what a good person he was.  I really  wish the best for you and your mum.


Through God's love we are healed. and I have been able to solve my problems with this prayer to God; however, if you are not a God person then please forgive me for tryin the help the only way I know how.


Much love


[align=center]The Prayer for Divine Love[/align]

[align=justify]Our Father, who art in heaven, we recognize that Thou art all Holy and loving and merciful, and that we are Thy children, and not the subservient, sinful and depraved creatures that our false teachers would have us believe. That we are the greatest of Thy creation, and the most wonderful of all Thy handiworks, and the objects of Thy great soul's love and Tenderest care.[/align]

[align=justify]That Thy will is, that we become at one with Thee, and partake of Thy great love which Thou hast bestowed upon us through Thy mercy and desire that we become, in truth, Thy children, through love, and not through the sacrifice and death of any one of Thy creatures.[/align]

[align=justify]We pray that Thou will open up our souls to the inflowing of Thy love, and that then may come Thy Holy Spirit to bring into our souls this, Thy love in great abundance, until our souls shall be transformed into the very essence of Thyself; and that there may come to us faith--such faith as will cause us to realize that we are truly Thy children and one with Thee in very substance and not in image only.[/align]

[align=justify]Let us have such faith as will cause us to know that Thou art our Father, and the bestower of every good and perfect gift, and that only we, ourselves, can prevent Thy love changing us from the mortal to the immortal.[/align]

[align=justify]Let us never cease to realize that Thy love is waiting for each and all of us, and that when we come to Thee, in faith and earnest aspiration, Thy love will never be with-held from us.[/align]

[align=justify]Keep us in the shadow of Thy love every hour and moment of our lives, and help us to overcome all temptations of the flesh, and the influence of the powers of the evil ones, which so constantly surround us and endeavor to turn our thoughts away from Thee to the pleasures and allurements of this world.[/align]

[align=justify]We thank Thee for Thy love and the privilege of receiving it, and we believe that Thou art our Father--the loving Father who smiles upon us in our weakness, and is always ready to help us and take us to Thy arms of love. [/align]

[align=justify]We pray thus with all the earnestness and longings of our souls, and trusting in Thy love, give Thee all the glory and honor and love that our finite souls can give.      Amen





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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA


Beyond Indigo Family

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