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Feeling confused and dazed


mulberry

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Hi

I lost my Dad to cancer over 2 years ago now, and despite missing him, I had been feeling so much more positive and genuinely happy in the last 6 months or so.  I felt I was on an even keel.  So much so, that I have started a serious relationship in the last 3 months.  I've been so happy and content in this relationship that it was somewhat of a shock when I started feeling down, paranoid, and generally scared and panicky from nowhere about a week ago.  :(

I've become aware gradually that this is similar to how I felt after I'd lost Dad.  Perhaps this new relationship has brought up deep emotions again. Has anyone else had the same issues and got through them?  Luckily my other half is very understanding and supportive, and I do love him dearly, even tho at the moment it seems like a lot of effort to do anything or even think clearly. 

M

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mranderson

People who have traumatic experiences of loss and/or abandonment tend to be overly sensitive to these feelings. They feel loss and abandonment before it happens and even from others who are not doing anything to merit the judgement and reaction. There is such a NEED to be loved and acknowledged that the person accentuates the risk involved and often sabotages the environment by encouraging those present to become defensive against their imposing and suspicious of their manipulation. The traumatized person experiences more of what they fear, and their fears are reinforced by the negative experiences they unwittingly contrive.

These words may be of help.  We all fear losing love after a traumatic experience.  Just try to trust as much as possible. 

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angelgirl63

Hi mranderson ~ you sound more like a dranderson! :) 

Your short reponse to mulberry imparts much wisdom...  What is this driving force that motivates and compels traumatized individuals to unwittingly contrive negative experiences to the point it sabotages relationships?   

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Angelgirl, that's a rather interesting question to ask of MrAnderson, although I wouldn't say that me feeling somewhat confused and upset about my feelings over a week or two would actually sabotage my relationship, wittingly or unwittingly.  Its about trying to make sense of the confusion.  And having spoken about it, and thought about it, I feel a lot more positive again.

Grief can come and go and major events in a person's life and can bring up that feeling of abandonment or even just a feeling of regret that the person you've lost isn't there to see you getting on with your life.  I'm quite sure the raw deep grief you feel when you have first lost someone is strong enough to break people up, as at that time, from personal experience, you question everything and don't always see when people are trying to be supportive.  I know that I felt very much alone after losing my Dad, even tho I had two siblings and a mother all going through a deep loss and several friends who were there for me.  It's irritational, because depression and loss can be irrational.  It's pretty primal really.  It can therefore be all the more disturbing when it affects you two and a half years down the line when you least expect to be miserable....

M

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angelgirl63

Hi mulberry ~ i'm sorry if you thought my question to mranderson was eluding to your own emotions/reactions. I am hoping he expounds on people's general reactions to trauma or site the 'source' of his response to you... his response to you somewhat refers to my own reactions to my own personal traumas at times...

I'm sorry you lost your Dad to cancer. I'm glad you're feeling better. My teenage son is very bright and at the top of his class... I'm hoping he becomes a geneticist someday and finds a cure for that horrible disease. He loves science and learning about DNA and all that 'stuff.' :)

I myself hate it when I'm having anxiety attacks and feeling 'down.' It really affects how I react with my husband and sons. Personally, I've been feeling pretty good lately, too.

Hoping you continue to have a good day.

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Hi angelgirl :)

It would be a wonderful thing if your son eventually became a geneticist and worked towards a cure.  It seems some cancers are far easier to treat than others, my father had pancreatic cancer, which is often very difficult to treat and is quite awful to deal with at times. 

I'd be interested in mranderson's sources too, I must admit.   :D  Its awful when you feel anxious and down about the world in general and relationships in particular isn't it.    Here's to feeling positive and happy :D

Best wishes

M

 

 

 

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