Members journeyer Posted June 28, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 I lost my girlfriend and soulmate just a few days ago, she passed away in my arms from brain cancer. I am in unbelievable shock and pain, the only escape is sleep and each time I wake up it gets worse. I cannot come to grips with this and I pray each time I am about to go to sleep that I will not wake up again to this nightmare. This is a brief summary of our story.I was stuck in a bad marriage for many years, and it continued to decline until the point that I could not bear it any more and filed for divorce from my now x-wife in July of 2007. My x is an ill tempered disaster waiting to happen suffering from a severe bi-polar condition, but refuses to seek treatment. It was hard to have to resort to divorce from someone I had been with for so long and with whom I had 2 children that I love so much, but our differences had become insurmountable. It was also a huge relief to me when she moved out of my house on August 1st of 2007. The next several weeks were strange indeed. My 17 year old daughter decided to go with her mom, although we were close, and I was living alone for the first time in over 20 years. I gradually got used to it and after a month or so, I even started to like the time alone. It was also nice to get up in the morning and come home from work without the constant apprehension of getting into a huge fight with my contentious x. I decided that I did not want to date for a while and that I needed time to think and get my life in order. I thought that maybe in a couple of years, I may be ready for another relationship, but I would be sure to get it right this time, or at least a lot more right than last time. That would take time and caution to figure out.I was alone a lot during this time and bored. I like the internet and have always been an avid forum poster and blogger on any number of topics. But one thing I was not looking for was romance. It was nowhere in my mind, and I did not go to any forums pertaining to relationships, and avoided any social situations that might lead to dating. One night I was on a technical related forum, I work in a technical field and I was responding to someones post about a software topic. The person I replied to, replied back to me and we just seemed to hit it off, and the next thing I know, we were talking about lots of things not related to software. One night she asked me if I wanted to IM, so I said 'yeah, I'm not doing anything else, so why not?' The emailing and Iming went on for weeks. There was no romantic interest from either one of us, we just liked to talk. She was actually married and told me so, and I told her I was just recently divorced. One day out of nowhere, she said that she had a friend that I should meet and that I would really like her. Let me just mention now, this person and her friend lived 600 miles away from me. I laughed and said 'no thanks, even if I were interested, it is too far away, no long distance relationships for me'. My newly found friend and I continued to chat and she kept bringing up her friend, asking me to just email her, that I would really like her. I continued to say no thanks, until one night she told me something about her friend. If I told you what it was, it would not make any sense, so I'll spare the details, but it got my attention, in a way I cannot describe, it was a dejavu type of moment, like I was suddenly hearing about someone that I somehow knew, but that I had never known. It was a very strange moment. I said no thanks and please give it up again, but the matter had my attention. I could not get it out of my mind. Over the next few days, it would just keep haunting me and I couldn't shake it off. So finally I emailed her friend and just said 'Hi, I'm xxxxx's friend and just thought I would say hi. The friend of my IM buddy finally emailed me back and we gradually started up a conversation. All I can say is that it was uncanny from the start. Everything that she would say would strike me with this surreal sense of familiarity, like I know this person, but I have never met her. One day she emailed me and ask me if I wanted to call her. I did. The first time we talked on the phone, it was 2.5 hours and it was unreal the amount of things we had in common and how the conversation was so enjoyable. We continued to call each other a couple times a week and each time, it was the same or better, 3 hours+ of just the most enjoyable conversations that I have ever had in my life, and that uncanny feeling of knowing her would not leave me. I knew I was in trouble here. I was falling deeply for someone over the phone even though my pragmatic self told me that it was ridiculous and impractical to even be entertaining such an idea. But there was no stopping the forces in motion. We finally decided to meet each other, and it was more than I have ever dreamed of. I knew I loved her the first time I lay eyes on her. When we first touched and kissed, I am not making this up, I would not do so, it was like a surge of electricity passed though my entire body, leaving me practically speechless. The weekend was fantastic, like a real life fairy tale, the best time of my entire life to that point. When we parted to drive our 600 miles apart, I got about a mile from her and felt a gut wrenching pull like the tearing apart of souls that have became hopelessly intertwined. My phone rang, it was her, she felt it too. Tears were running down my face.We continued to drive and fly to meet each other frequently over the next several months. Each time it grew more intense. Finally, we decided that we could not be apart and I started making plans to move near her so we could start a new life. She has 2 children in high school, 14 and 17. My 2 children are older, my daughter now 18 and living in the home that I left, and my son on his own. So it was obvious that I should move near her. I did not like where I was living anyways and wanted a fresh start. On the day that I arrived here, I called my girlfriend, who lives only 11 miles away from the apartment that I secured the month before moving over and let her know that I had arrived. I was very excited. She was not feeling well, having a headache and I asked her if we should just wait until morning, it was around 8pm in the evening. She said ok, but in a few minutes called me back and said she was on her way over. I was so excited, just like every time before I see her. When she arrived, she seemed to be acting strangely and I was very concerned. She had a headache, but also seemed a little confused and off balance. I wanted to take her to the ER, but she told me she was fine and had already made a doctors appointment for in the morning as she had not been feeling well and that we would drive there tomorrow to the appointment. The next morning, she had a bad headache and seemed even more disoriented so I took her to the local hospital ER. They ran some test and after about 45 minutes, a cat scan they did revealed an abnormal mass in the left portion of her brain. It was a tumor. She was transported to another medical facility and a biopsy revealed a malignant brain tumor that required emergency surgery. The surgery was a success and she recovered remarkably fast. Over the past few weeks, I stayed with her at her home and cared for her, with her becoming stronger each day. The simple joys that we experienced during that time, just getting up in the morning, preparing meals, taking walks, and enjoying music and other entertainment in the evenings was very precious. On Thursday, June 19th, 2008, we retired early because she had a headache. At 2am in the morning, she went into seizures and I called 911 and they rushed her to the hospital and she was transferred once again, and had another surgery. She never recovered. Helen passed away at 10:25pm, June 25th, 2008 at Johns Hopkins Bayview Hospital as I held her closely to me. Helen was a beautiful 47 year old mother of 2 children. We were to be married on Sept. 21st, 2008, the one year anniversary of our first meeting Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.