Members Suzilladances Posted December 30, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 30, 2013 My father was the strongest man I've ever known. When I was four years old he had a massive heart attack and had a quadruple bypass surgery. In the past 22 years since he had 2 more heart attacks. He had diabetes,asthma, high cholesterol and blood pressure and a myriad of other health problems. Even with all of this he was incredibly active and youthful. He went dancing regularly, worked part time after retirement because he loved it and everyone always thought he was in his early 50s even though he was 65. About a month ago we had a really bad cold spell and he was complaining about having trouble breathing. I was living with him and didn't really worry too much because the man had had 3 heart attacks and was still so strong. 2 weeks ago I went out to dinner with him and his 2 best friends. We had a wonderful time, but he did seem a bit tired and I just thought it was because he had worked that day. We got home and he went straight to bed. I started a fire to keep us both warm and settled onto the couch to watch some tv before passing out (Ive been sleeping on the couch next to the fire since it had been so cold and his room was directly adjoining that room.) I left the door to his room open so he would get a lot of heat. Several hours later I was still awake and I heard him begin to breath very loudly, so loudly I muted the tv and then he moaned loudly a few times. I thought he was having a nightmare and all of a sudden it stopped and I assumed he had gone back to sleep. The next day I woke up pretty late and, I never do this, but I turned the tv back on since I didn't have work that day. I assumed he was already up and about since he's a very early riser. After a little bit I started to feel guilty because I knew if he walked in and saw me laying there like that he would be mad. So I got up and walked into his room. He was still there and I immediately knew something was wrong because he never stays in bed so late. I pulled the covers back and his lips were blue and he was cold and stiff. I lost it and grabbed the phone and called 911. They asked me if they thought he could be revived but I knew it was too late. My mother left us a long time ago and even though I'm 26 I feel like an orphan now. I've been trying so hard to be positive about the situation. My father gave his entire life to his family and worked so hard and im trying to give him his death in peace. I'm so scared for the future and I miss love and guidance so much. I feel like those sounds of death and the image of him in bed like that will never leave me. I also feel so numb to everything. It's been 2 weeks to the day since I found him dead and I know it's real and that he's gone but I still feel like a little piece of me is in denial or shock or something. I'm so numb abd oddly calm and then I feel guilty like I should be crying non stop and totally losing it. But then I feel like I should be ok with it because I don't want his soul to be worried or feel guilt about leaving. I guess I don't know how I feel at all. I'm lost and feel like I'm just watching myself live life and im not all the way here anymore. I just don't know anything anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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