Members deefrap Posted December 28, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 28, 2013 It has been almost a year and a half since my Dad's angel day. There are days my heart feels like it will never recover, tears will just start falling and I can't stop them. I had time to prepare for his passing. The disease slowly robbed us of him, I had time to tell him all the things in my heart, how much I appreciated his unconditional love, support and encouragement. I apologized for all the times I was an ungrateful child or stubborn (lets face it we all can be at times). I told him how much I appreciated him as a father and grandfather to my daughter. I tried to prepare for his loss, I knew my mother and daughter would need my support. When he passed, it was a lovely May morning, blue skies and warm. It was just him and my mother alone when his time came, call me strange but I feel that was beautiful. Their life together ended the way it started just the two of them. Perhaps this is all delayed, as I went to work the day after my Dad passed due to office necessity, not all day I stayed long enough to complete what was necessary and left. On the way to work the day after the song " Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?" played, and I had to pull over and cry. To this day the song brings tears to my eyes and I find it plays on the radio when I have very bad days. I am told by others that I shouldn't be so upset, that I need to move on. Even my closest childhood friend who knew how close I was to my parents has said as much. She said death was a part of life and I should just move on. She still has both parents, and I have severed ties because I feel she has no idea what I am feeling. Even when Dad was alive and ill she was of little or no support,reminding me that he was going to die and I needed to accept it. There are days I want so much to scream at those who are offering this advice that they still have both parents I don't. I probably sound like a spoiled child, but my Dad was a wonderful loving father. I am doing my best to support my Mom as a daughter should and my father would expect me to. She is another issue, I am so afraid she will die of a broken heart, Dad was her only love and they were always together. The boot straps I need to pull myself up by have snapped and are broken,I have accepted the reality that he is gone, yes logically he was existing not living, but my heart still misses him deeply. I do not want to lose precious time with my mother because I am unable to heal. I tried writing a journal with messages to Dad but I would only cry every time I made an entry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jennafer Posted December 28, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 28, 2013 Thank you for sharing your feelings and story. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I am sorry that you are not being supported by your friend, and for the loss of your dad.I have found in my process of grief feelings of anger over needing support from those I was close to before my father's death, but have found some of them just did not, and or still don't have, support to give. This took a long time for me to figure out and man that was some days more painful than dealing with grief itself, in fact I feel I am only now acknowleging grief feelings that I avioded because I listened to those who said, "you should be over this by now". For me I found I needed to be around those who could be empathetic or sympathetic to my pain and who could detach from or not take personally my need for more time to grieve.My bootstraps broke too... I kept trying to use them but it kept not working, what can I say, I am slow to learn some things, I am getting carried now though and I need it. Asking for help, not easy, but didnt seems so hard once I did it, but I am still angry I didn't know how to ask and that that too was painful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Suzilladances Posted December 30, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 30, 2013 I'm so sorry for your pain. I lost my father exactly 2 weeks ago and I completely understand what you are going through. He was my best friend and im still numb and confused. I'm sorry your friends don't understand either. It's really hard to offer support when you don't know what it feels like. If you would ever like to talk consider me a friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Blackrock Posted January 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2014 Sorry for your loss. It must be really hard Knowing that he will not make it for long when he was ill. Having that expectation is painful but at the same time it gave u a chance of taking care of your dad, telling him that u needed to say and being there for him. That relieved a lot of the guilts and regrets in the grieving process.We all grieved due to lost of loved ones but we need to be strong and carry on their legacies. I lost my dad two months ago- unexpectedly. I don't have the chance that U had. Not even a day to tell him how much we love him and how great of a dad he was. Just remember ur dad will always be with you when u need him. He's resting peacefully and he's always in ur heart. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindyjane Posted January 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2014 Hi ... I am so sorry for your loss. For all of the losses here. Your situation sounds a lot like mine only it was my mom who passed away 3 months ago and I am concerned about my dad. He is 84 years old and 2 days prior to my mom passing, it was their 61st wedding anniversary. My mom was the love of his life as well and he is so lost without her here. His health is not great and I am here for him physically but not doing a great job emotionally. I try to be but find myself keeping so busy looking after things he needs help with .... taking him to appts., for groceries, preparing meals, etc. Anyway, I believe that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and we all have to go through the motions. I won't beat myself up over this because I am sure as my healing from this progresses that I will be there more for my dad emotionally. Sorry for rambling, it's just that I feel so many similarities with how you are feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members deefrap Posted January 3, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2014 Thank you all for your kind words and support, I agree I had the opportunity many did not have. Especially if the loss was sudden, my heart goes out to those who did not get the opportunity I had. The problem with knowing what is to come is every trip to the hospital brings the question of "is this the last time I will be with him" The first year was extremely hard, the first holiday without him through the last holiday we had him with us. Christmas is the hardest for me because Dad loved it so much, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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