Members reefany Posted December 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 22, 2013 My ex of 3 years was also my best friend. We were madly in love, and broke up only because we had begun taking painkillers together. We had talked about quitting together but we couldn't do it together. One of us would be ready to stop, when the other wouldn't. There was always one of us convincing the other to push off the quit until later. Finally, I ended the relationship, as I saw it as the only way for us both to clean up. We were still in communication and still sending letters and poetry to each other as we moved along our separate paths in life. Both clean, he hiked the Appalachian Trail and I moved to a city that I had missed. We reamined close, best friends. He was always at the other end of the email or the reciever, ready to tell me how much he still loved me and still wanted to be with me. I felt the same way, although I saw value in our time apart, so I did not outwardly tell him how I felt, to protect him from feeling hurt. A week ago, my love passed away due to an accidental overdose. His father had passed away a week before, and my love had access to his father's leftover liquid morphine that the hospice had at the house for an IV drip. He took too much and asphyxiated in the night.There are more layers of guilt and pain than I can imagine. I was his true love and I had broken his heart when I ended the relationship. I always thought we would get back together down the line, but could never tell him that in fear of hurting him.With him in the world, I felt safe and secure. I felt so comfortable feeling his unconditional love for me. It feels like the foundation has been ripped up from under me and in am floating around with no security and no anchors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted December 23, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 I am so very sorry about your loss. Do you have family or friends to lean on for support? You may also want to join an al-anon or NA group for support. Please keep talking to people about your feelings. That is the best thing you can do. Cry if you need to. There is no harm in that. We will be here for you. Modkonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kurtybearhugs Posted December 23, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 Dear Lost, Without having a clue what to say, I felt compelled to reply..... I am so sorry for what has happened. It is just so damned unfair that we should lose the one person who was our whole world. He sounds like he was a very good person, despite it all, and despite how his life ended. It has taken me a long time, but I have learned not to judge people. We are all damaged souls, and we are just doing the best we can, with what we have to work with. The folks that are currently haunting the denial thread, under the 'Lost My Partner' category, are very nice, and many of them are ladies who have lost their partners as well. There is healing in telling your story, and talking with people who understand, either face to face, or in cyber-speak. My heart goes out to you, and will be glad to chat with you anytime, by whatever means you like. This website has the ability for private messages, too. It is a good place to be. If you can find a grief support group that you like, it would benefit you greatly, or most Hospice organizations have support groups, and individual counseling at no charge. (I'm not trying to get rid you.) I am a firm believer in making full use of any and all resources you can find, and all at the same time. You cannot get too much help for what you are going through. I hope that you will feel comfortable and welcome here. I have the day off tomorrow, so I will be on the computer way too much, as usual. I wish you a peaceful day, or even a small part of a day. Yours With Understanding, Loving Kindness, and Big 'ol Bear Hugs... Feel Better...... KurtI will likely be up around noon..... Keep in touch.... Please Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members obakesan Posted December 23, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 I can only say what has worked for me. Do not look ahead, for you can not yet see there.Act as if it is a survival situation, look to only what you need to survive the day.Don't plan for tomorrow, go to sleep as you can.Try to see at there is some peace there (in sleep) so as to not fear the nights.Talk as you can to your friends. Talk to anyone who will listen, talk to yourself.I came to feel that like cells in our body we are part of something bigger. Like when our body is injured the other cells in our body help to heal the damaged part.I wrote this for myself. I hope it helps youhttp://cjeastwd.blogspot.com/2013/08/body-and-soul.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.