My 22 year old little sister passed away on nov 16 2013

[Michelle1983]

On nov 16 2013 my little sister passed away. We still do not have the cause of death but it is possibly an accidental drug overdose. She was my best friend. There's an 8 year difference in age and our mother worked out of state off and on for years so I basically raised her. I feel like there is a big piece of myself missing. The day after she died we told my elderly grandfather and he had the first of three heart attacks all within ten days. He had surgery and was doing better but was just re hospitalized due to a major infection. The first week after I lost my sister, my fiancee completely **** down and was not in anyway being supportive of my loss. I felt completely alone and was very angry and hurt and confused at his behavior. He was taking my Xanax, wouldn't get out of bed, wouldn't go to work, wouldn't help care for my son and embarrassed me very badly in front of my family at my sisters funeral. Two days after my sisters funeral I had had enough and I told my fiancée that he needed to move out. He stole my grandpas gun, left our home and shot himself. He survived. I was at the hospital with him everyday even though I couldn't sleep couldn't eat and was barely functioning. I am so furious that he did such a selfish thing especially two days after I lost my little sister. My 11 year old has been a wreck because he lost his aunt. I told my son that my fiancée was in an accident and was in the hospital. I was able to get my son right into grief counseling but I do not have insurance so I have been unable so far to find myself help so far. I still can't sleep, I force myself to eat. I had lost my job three weeks before my sister passed so Christmas is barely happening this year. I don't feel my sister anywhere. I still don't really sleep so I don't dream about her. My family doesn't know yet what exactly caused my sisters death. Her death certificate says unknown causes. While I was spending twenty days in the hospital at my fiancées side while he was recovering most of my family stopped speaking to me because I stuck by him after what he did. I couldn't get anyone to understand that even though I was furious, hurt, sad at what he had done that I still care about him, still love him and couldn't just let him let him be there all alone. He doesn't have any close family and he had stopped talking to his friends or they had stopped speaking to him in the last few months die to going in and out of depression. I had been trying to get him to find a new therapist for awhile and tried to get him to take his antidepressants. I had no idea in the thirteen years I had known him that he would ever do anything like that. He was let out of psych ward after only a week. He moved in with friends who blame me for what happened. We are no longer together because I don't think I'll ever be able to get over what he did, or feel safe to have my son around him. I am so beyond shattered over the loss of my sister that I couldn't deal with my ex anymore. I just want my sister back. She was so young, she had so much to do with her life. She will never get married, have babies.. I'll never get to kiss her face again. I don't understand how life just goes on for everyone. I get angry when I go on her Facebook and see her friends talking about dreaming of her every night or how they feel her everywhere. I'm not very religious so I don't really know what I believe about where my sister is but I do know that if she can see how much pain I am in and how everything reminds me of her and makes me cry. My family is torn apart isn't of trying to stick together. I don't know what to do to make myself care about picking up my broken pieces and trying to get it together. Especially with my grandpa doing so poorly. I don't think he is going to make it much longer. My friends try and call and tell me to call anytime to cry to talk to whatever and I just can't. I know I am not the only one to ever feel like this but I'm having hard time caring about other peoples pain, except for my sons

[ModKonnie]

Michelle,

You've certainly gone through a lot recently. First of all, you did exactly what any caring person would have with your fiancé,so you should have no regrets there. You've also made a wise decision in letting him go; at this point, you've done all you can.

Two things you can do to help yourself--start keeping a journal about how you feel, or even just keep posting these posts. They will help. Also, look for a support group in your area to join (you can usually find one in your paper. Look for a depression or grief support group). Lean on your friends. They want to help.

We will be here for you.

ModKonnie