Members redfish99999 Posted December 21, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 My thoughts, after loss of my soul mate of 55 years three months ago, is that the grief process is influenced by three factors.......1. true sadness over the loss......2. feeling sorry for myself.....3. events(seasonal, birth days, etc))..................Sadness over the loss, we cannot do anything about that. So, facing it with tears may be the only medicine....... But, feeling sorry for myself, that's something that needs addressing.... that's gotta get fixed.... There is absolutely no point or gain in moping around feeling depressed and sorry for myself. And the third factor, events, we clearly cannot change birthdays or Christmas... But there is certainly one factor that can and must be addressed.......That's what I'm trying to work on now.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted December 21, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 Redfish, What an amazing attitude you have. You are so right. There are some things you cannot change, but those you can--do it! I will send you positive vibes as you work on your one factor that can and must be addressed. --ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted December 21, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 redfish99999 - when my husband was diagnosed with cancer he told his doctors that he only wanted to be told what he could impact and those things where he needed to make a decision. He told them that he would do his job (those things he could control) and that they should concentrate on doing their jobs. I don't remember even one incidence of him feeling sorry for himself no matter how bad things got.Now when I start feeling sorry for myself, I see his wry smile and then his loving voice encouraging me to break that "feeling sorry for yourself" cycle. I think many of us, certainly me, have moments of feeling sorry for ourselves because we are exhausted. And many of us are left with jobs (child rearing, financial woes, medical bills, dissent within the family, etc.) that are overwhelming. I try very hard to hear my husband's voice in my ear guiding me to better thoughts and actions. I listen to him encouraging me to break things down into manageable pieces and to tell myself that whatever I get done is good enough for today. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.Thank you for the reminder to act on those things we can affect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members obakesan Posted December 21, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 Thank you for the reminder to act on those things we can affect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted December 21, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 I say the serenity prayer every day. Thank you for the beautiful presentation of the prayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted December 21, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 Very profound, Redfish. I agree with what you said about the different reasons we grieve. We grieve for our spouse, that they no longer get to live. We grieve for ourselves, because we no longer get to have them in our lives. We grieve for the future plans that will never come true. But you are so right, that it doesn't do any good to feel sorry for ourselves and certainly doesn't do any good to feel sorry for them. Grieving is really so much about controlling our own thoughts. I'm not saying that we shouldn't experience our sadness. But we also shouldn't get stuck in feeling sorry for ourselves. If you got to live with your soulmate for 55 years, you have much to be grateful for. That is so much more than most people get in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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