Black tears on a white christmas

[patty88]

I recently lost my father on thanksgiving eve, 2013. I was in the states when my father got sick of malaria in india. After 10 long days of hospital stay in the ICU and constant battle with the following complications, he died of a cardiac arrest on the day he felt he was getting better.

I feel devastated. There is like a storm of thoughts inside of me that wants to cry, be angry, sorry, guilty, and anxious at the same time. In the last 7 years, I have seen both my parents just once. At this point, I feel like I should have met them more often. but then I couldn't go back because of school/ work etc. Time flew by and now its too late. I will never get to see him again.

I recently got married in January this year. Unfortunately, my father will not be able to build a good relationship with my in-laws. They only met him once..but they absolutely loved him. That was the kind of person my father was. He was my hero. When I mom called that he was sick, I did not take it that seriously, because I thought people get treated with malaria all the time. It is not THAT SERIOUS. I think I will feel guilty for the rest of my life for that. If I had taken it seriously and asked my parents to go for a more aggressive treatment, would it have saved him? Could it be the doctor's fault? Could it have saved him if I had talked to the doctor earlier to pay special attention to him. But again I was in the states, and he was in india getting treated. I feel devastated by this guilt. I was not ready to let him go.

It all happened so quickly that I think it is a dream. I feel, my father is out on a holiday or vacation and that I will see him one day. I cannot accept the fact that he is gone. He was only 58. He just got his daughter married and his son couldn't even make it to his funeral. Such is my penalty for working so hard to build a career in some other country. I will have to wait for him to return forever.

And my mother has no choice but to move on with her life alone.

- His loving daughter

[Johnny Cake]

I recently lost my father on thanksgiving eve, 2013. I was in the states when my father got sick of malaria in india. After 10 long days of hospital stay in the ICU and constant battle with the following complications, he died of a cardiac arrest on the day he felt he was getting better.

I feel devastated. There is like a storm of thoughts inside of me that wants to cry, be angry, sorry, guilty, and anxious at the same time. In the last 7 years, I have seen both my parents just once. At this point, I feel like I should have met them more often. but then I couldn't go back because of school/ work etc. Time flew by and now its too late. I will never get to see him again.

I recently got married in January this year. Unfortunately, my father will not be able to build a good relationship with my in-laws. They only met him once..but they absolutely loved him. That was the kind of person my father was. He was my hero. When I mom called that he was sick, I did not take it that seriously, because I thought people get treated with malaria all the time. It is not THAT SERIOUS. I think I will feel guilty for the rest of my life for that. If I had taken it seriously and asked my parents to go for a more aggressive treatment, would it have saved him? Could it be the doctor's fault? Could it have saved him if I had talked to the doctor earlier to pay special attention to him. But again I was in the states, and he was in india getting treated. I feel devastated by this guilt. I was not ready to let him go.

It all happened so quickly that I think it is a dream. I feel, my father is out on a holiday or vacation and that I will see him one day. I cannot accept the fact that he is gone. He was only 58. He just got his daughter married and his son couldn't even make it to his funeral. Such is my penalty for working so hard to build a career in some other country. I will have to wait for him to return forever.

And my mother has no choice but to move on with her life alone.

- His loving daughter

Both my parents were killed due to medical errors. As far as I know malaria is not life threatening these days but hospitals are. In America health care is the leading cause of preventable death and injury and that is based only what gets reported. http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/02/04/death-by-medicine-an-update.aspx

Even the AMA admits that doctors alone are the third leading cause of deaths. These deaths are called iatrogenic deaths. The US healthcare system kills more people than obesity, guns, car crashes and cancer combined. I don't know with much certainty how bad the Indian health care system is but I do know that a lot of Americans travel their as medical tourists.

Death of a loved one can disrupt a family. My father was the glue that held things together. It sounds like maybe you are in the position of being the "strong" one. Your mother is probably lost right now expecially with this death being so unexpected.

I hope you have a soft place to fall.

[Blackrock]

Am so sorry for your lost. I recently loss my dad before thanksgiving. I am in a similar situation as yours. It's really painful and it's never going to heal. I didn't take the coughing symptoms "seriously" until it's too late.

I thought it was allergy or common cold til we sent my dad to ER at night and it turn out his heart has a problem. Yet he didn't complained about breathing issues or pain around the heart. It was very sudden and unexpected. I cannot accept the fact that he's no longer here. I really wanted to at least have a chance to take care of him.

We all have our own lives, family kids career fun...etc. these are all stupid excuses. I learned my lesson. Family is utmost important especially parents. They're elders and seldom complain cuz they don't want to burden us- and we are just too selfish.

Take time to call your mom and check on her health, medicines...etc or just to chat. She needs your support. Make amends since u didn't have a chance with your dad. Don't let the guilt beat you up. Turn it into a lesson learned and focus on taking better care of your mom! Take care

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