Christmas

[terri251]

I can not wait for this holiday season to be over. I am tired of people telling me I need to decorate and put up a Christmas tree. I am not in the mood for Christmas much like having decorations up in my home. I get it, you think it is important for my 19 month old to be able to celebrate Christmas at home. I think it is important for my daughter to have a mother who can survive the holiday. So just respect my decision not to put up a freaken tree. I am doing good to have bought Christmas presents, which I was not going to do originally. She will have toys to play with on Christmas day, trust me she won't remeber that this year there was no tree. Yes I know Danny wanted her to have a tree, but you know what he is not here, so he does not get to have what he want.

If he was with us we would have had a Christmas tree, lights wrapped gifts and a amazing Christmas. He would have put together her toys and watched as she unwrapped them and played. But none of that is going to happen, he is gone and not coming back. So just let me deal the best way I can and telling me what I need to do for my daughter. I am doing the best that I can right now, and if the only thing my daughter has to complain about when she is older, is that she did not have a Christmas tree this year than I can live with that.

Ok vent over. Just needed to get that out without hurting the people in my life.

[Tom]

It is a difficult time - plans that were made are no longer meaningful - just reminders of what we lost.

I had plans for a great Christmas for my Dad and me - but now the house is dark and miserable.

Not much sense ion doing anything just for me alone.

I will put a lighted candle in the window , that's all.

And it will my cry and cry each time I see it.

BUT you have your daughter - Christmas should be special for her , so make her happy.

She is after all, a gift from what you have lost.

[Alone]

Dear terri251 - I am so very sorry for your loss.

I'm so happy this website is here for a good "verbal vomit". It is so very important to acknowledge how you're feeling and I admire your desire to not hurt the people in your life.

I think that whatever you decide to do this year it will be enough. From your post I know that you are giving your daughter love and that is the single best gift anyone can give or receive. Please give that precious little one a hug from me, you can never give or get enough hugs.

[needy]

I agree, you need to survive the holidays. I see no problem not having a tree. Be kind to yourself you are worth it.

Hugs to you.

[Silvergirl61]

When i got together with Dennis.. we started a new tradition together. I had always wanted a white tree, with silver and blue decorations..and he thought it would be a cool idea..so we did it..and i loved it! Every year, we picked out a new ornament together for our "tree of dreams"..something that meant something special to us both..and every year, we added to it, and he always got it out and put it up on the day after thanksgiving, and then we decorated it together..and laughed and talked..until last year.

Last year, I tried. My daughter and i put it up..and I went and bought an ornament..but this time.. it was for him..and somehow ..since last year.. I can't do it anymore. I can't look at the tree, or the ornaments this year.. I may not ever again..i don't know.

You see, this year i don't have any dreams to add.. I can't think of any ornament that symbolizes something special , nothing that catches my ind up..nothing to make me do this tree thing this year.

It doesn't feel like christmas..it feels like winter..and maybe the dreams have all frozen in the ice..or maybe they died , too. That's kind of how it feels. The holidays are not happy ones, this year...I hope for spring..but it seems so far away.

Maybe next year.. I'll start a new tradition...because my white tree isn't beautiful anymore.

[HeyJude]

I hear ya Silver. I gave away all of my Christmas decorations. I just can't do it anymore. This time of year only signals the horrible situation we were in last year. I don't know if I'll ever celebrate Christmas again.

[Alone]

My family of origin caused me to HATE all holidays as holidays were just one more reason to fight. When my Tom entered my life he showed me how joyful and hopeful holidays could be. I'm trying not to go back to hating holidays as that would mean that I've forgotten something My Tom taught me. But there is no joy or hope this year, just quiet reflection.

[terri251]

I am trying to decide what I am going to do this year for Christmas. Part of me wants to stay home becasue that is where I feel closest to Danny, but the other part of me realizes it would not be fair to my daughter to not spend it with my family. I just don't feel like going over there and pretending everything is okay. I am not in the mood for the holidays. Everything just reminds me of what I have lost and will never have again. I guess I will decide on Christmas day what I am going to do.

[Silvergirl61]

That sounds like a pretty good plan, actually.

As far as the holiday thing goes, i don't actively hate them, although I used to, pretty much. Then i enjoyed them for a few years..now I just pretty much don't care about any of it. maybe next year.