Dad Collapsed..my whole world did too

[dcirm27]

3 weeks ago today my dad collapsed outside while blowing the leaves. No prior medical conditions, on no medications, no symptoms, i had just spoke with him 2 days prior. I was on my way to work when his neighbor called me in frenzy telling me what had happened. I drove straight down to the hospital (1.5 hour drive from my apartment in Hoboken, felt like 1.5 days ). I got to the ER and found my dad laying in the bed unconscious, already hooked up to all kinds of machines. The nurse handed me his gold chain and italian horn I had never seen off of him. It was a surreal experience to say the least. The doctor came in, pulled me aside and told me he had a massive stroke and there was nothing they could do to save him...

I am 26 years old, an only child and haven't spoken/seen my mother in over 8 years. Ironically, my step-mom passed away suddenly from the same exact thing when i was 17, she was in the same exact hospital in the same exact ER bed (I remember it vividly) My dad and I were extremely close. He basically raised me alone, spent his most of his life savings to put me through college and was my only real family member I still had. I had seen him a couple weeks prior to celebrate his 59th birthday.

So there I was, 26, alone in the hospital, being told I had to make a decision on when to take my father off the ventilator. A million thoughts went through my head as I felt like I had just got hit by a bus. I waited 2 days hoping for a miracle, but nothing ever came. I buried my father 3 days later, Arranging the services and funeral myself, something that was obviously all new to me.

Basically overnight I inherited a house, a car and 2 cats that I could not care for. I had an overwhelming turnout from my friends and some distant family and everyone has really stepped out in helping me with whatever I needed. However, there is nothing anyone can say or do that can fill this massive void I now have in my life. I am not sure what I am looking for on this site, but it does seem to help to tell this story and vent a little.

I am hoping with time this will all get better, but right now all i feel is this overwhelming sadness, almost a numbness to life. I don't know what to think/feel/do anymore. In the past, I would call my father for questions like these...

Thank you to all who made it through this rant, any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

-Dan

[babybear83]

Hey Dan,

I lost my dad unexpectedly a month ago and he was (is) my best friend and everything. I was given his personal effects that he was with him when the coroner took him, it included his gold chain with the letter G, which he never had off him for the last 15 years. He was 51, and I just turned 30. I'm the oldest and inherited 2 houses, 2 cars, and his financially obligations. So I understand how that can be difficult and challenging to deal with on top of dealing with your grief.

I have to decided what to do with all his stuff and usually when I'm unable to make a decision I call my papa bear so he can guide me, but I don't have that anymore and that breaks my heart with every thought. I have siblings and I know we are grieving in own way. We miss our dad so much. I havent turned off his cell phone bc they still call it hear his voice. When they do that its tears my heart into pieces.

I dont think there is anything anyone can say or do to help fill the void or ease the pain, but this site is wonderful and a blessing. Its a place to vent and talk with ppl who have experienced the same lose you have and share experiences and hopefully realize you are not alone.