Help i woke up to my boyfriend dead lying on me !

[dead and gone 1994]

I just lost my boyfriend. He died Sunday Morning.I woke up happy and cheerful until i noticed my boyfriend his head resting on my lap. I tried waking him up but he did not move . I slapped him nothing. His lips and face where blue. I called 911, He died in his sleep. We where ganna have a life together it was all planed out. I have never anyone in my life. I was in love we where going to get engaged in a year. We also where saving up to get our own place in three months. I have never felt so alone so sad so heartbroken so scared and scared. I have had past times where i have been so depressed i have been hospitalized. But that was before i knew my boyfriend. I sooo sad i feel numb i feel sick to my stomic everyday im pissed i wish i could have gone with him. why did god keep me here. Im not close with my family the only one that i feel like will ever help me is my cat oreo he is a wonderful cat. I am going to pick him up saterday from where i used to live. I moving back to rochester and living with my mom again. I terrifed of the funarel tomarow . Me and his mom has had some angrey words after his death. see i would have done anything to just have gotten a call but no i had to wake up to him and see his dead body now all i see in my head is head face his dead body lying on the couch. I dont know how much longer i can hold on. I already have saever depression and angzitiy. I honestly dont want to live i would do anything to have traded places with him. I just dont want to go i cant i just cant after the funeral im ganna think hard about if i should keep living or should i write a note and say goodbye. yea people say live for you family and friends live you will have a fucher. he would not have wanted you to kill yours self but ya know what i did not want him to fucking die he knew i told him if he ever dies im not going to go on. and look what he has done to me i have no one i dont want anyone but him ooooo lord help me!

:( :( :( :( :wacko: :wacko: :unsure: :unsure:

[Silvergirl61]

At this point, I'm not sure what to say, except i am sorry you are having to go through all of this I'm glad you are going to go stay with your mom for awhile, it will be good for you to have some support through this. I would suggest you talk to a counselor about the feelings you don't want to go on, as soon as possible, though,or at least call the crisis line at 800 - 273- 8255. They have someone available to talk anytime...please consider that at least?

Losing someone you love is never easy, but with time, you can learn to deal with the loss. All of us here have lost someone, and we do care..sometimes, it helps me to read some of the older posts, from people who have been here already and found things that helped them and comforted them..I hope it helps you , too.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, and hope you will come back and talk if it helps you.

[LeanneC]

First of all all the feelings you are feeling are normal. Depressed, anxious, fear, confused, irrational, guilt are all feelings of grief babe. I lost my mum and it was me who found her body. I know how hard it is to go through this. Stop feeling alone, you are most certainly not alone, look at this page, it's full of people in pain like you and me. I suggest you go to a doctor like I did and express your feelings like you have here. Don't be scared or ashamed it's normal and they will help you with a councillor to help your brain process the shock of seeing a dead body and that the body was someone you love, I highly recommend you see someone. As for the thoughts of suicide, I can guarantee you everyone on this website has wanted to swap placed with the one they lost or reunite themselves with them by suicide. I too felt exactly how you feel babe. It was only last winter I lost my mum. That winter was the worst time of my life, I was in a dark place like you. But I'm here to tell you to go through these emotions, do not be scared because I can promise you that in a years time you will see more clearly. You will always feel love and pain in life and when you lose someone it seems unfair and yes, it is very unfair. But I bet you he wouldn't want you to die too. He would want you to be so strong, be with your family and try and have hope that there is better days than today.

Let me know how the funeral has went, maybe that will give you a more peace of mind.

I'm always hear to listen, that's why we have ears.

Much love

Leanne X

[babygirl76]

Don't give up!!! I know the feelings you are going through. I have severe anxiety and depression as well. And it got worse after I lost my parents almost a year and a half ago. I know what it feels like when you say you can't go on. I feel the same way at times too. I'm going through battles myself with the anxiety and depression and I'm trying to get better. It is hard I know. I have not even really gone through all the stages of grieving for both my parents yet. It is good that you are on here and hopefully you will get the support you need as I'm hoping for myself. So sorry for your loss.

[needy]

My heart goes out to you. My husband also passed away in his sleep next to me. Right now just take things very slow and take care of yourself. Remember to keep hydrated and rested.

People are going to say really stupid things, try to remember no ones head is functioning well right now. Breath in and breath out slowly, you have nothing to prove to nobody.

All the emotions you are feeling are normal and can be overwhelming and it is ok to reach out for help.