LOSS OF MY 8 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER CHLOE

[chloe99]

[align=center]HI MY NAME IS SHIRLEY AND MY HUSBAND IS AUSTIN,WE BOTH HAVE LOST OUR BABY GIRL CHLOE WHO DIED IN A CAR CRASH ON THE 15TH SEPTEMBER 2007.IT IS SO HARD TO GET BACK TO NORMAL AFTER CHLOE WAS GONE AND WE STILL HAVE TROUBLE WITH LIVING.AS I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS DRIVING THE CAR THAT MY DAUGHTER DIED IN.MY OTHER CHILDREN ARE 20 YEAR OLD GIRL WITH CHILDREN OF HER OWN AND MY SON WHO IS 18 YEARS OLD.[/align]

[align=center]I WOULD LIKE SOME-ONE TO TELL ME HOW TO GET ON WITH LIFE AFTER LOSEING A CHILD.AS SHE WAS MY LIFE I DID EVERYTHING FO CHLOE,I TOOK HER TO PHYSIO AS SHE HAD ERBS PALSY,SHE LOVED HORSE-RIDING,SWIMMING,PLAYING GOLF,RIDING HER QUAD AND SHE ALSO RIDING HER SCRAMBLER AS SHE WAS MORE LIKE A BOY THAN A GIRL,BUT SHE WAS A KIND CHILD SHE DID LOTS FOR OTHERS SHE KNEW EVERYTHING.SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND AND MY DAUGHTER MYSELF AND MY HUSBAND MISS HER SO MUCH,MY HEART ACHES.[/align]

[align=center]PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO TRY AND LIVE AGAIN. [/align]

[heartbeataway]

First, I am so sorry for your loss.........

How do you live again??

One breath at a time.

That's all you can do. You do what you can to make your daughter proud. Time will soften the pain but it will not go away. You also have to choose which memories to guide your journey,  the sadness of her loss or the warmth of her existence.

I wish you strength,  JasonH's Mom, Bonnie

[mikesmomrs]

Shirley and Austin:  I am truly sorry for the loss of your precious daughter, Chloe.   I have been on this journey since October 14, 2006, when our son, Mike, passed away after a 17 month battle with brain cancer.  No one has yet to come up with a "way" to try to live again...your life will never be the same.  Your thoughts will never be the same.  Your heart will never be the same.  You will never "get back to normal."   But, you will be.  Your life will go on, in spite of all that has happened, you will find yourself waking up each morning, and as Bonnie has said, breathing, one breath at a time.  Each breath takes you a step further to that moment when you will notice that the pain is still there, but it seems softer somehow.  And the memories, as Bonnie said, will help.  Sometimes they will tear you to shreds, but over time, you will be so very thankful for every single one.  Your daughter is still with you, Shirley, she will always be with you, until you meet again. 

I have this written on my son's memorial pages (http://www.James-Michael.Virtual-Memorials.com) and it has brought great comfort to me many times:

You can shed tears  that she is gone, Or you can smile because she lived, You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back, Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,  Or you can be full of the love that you shared,  You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,  Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her and only that she is gone   Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on, You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,  Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.   ...David Harkings 

Please know, Shirley, that all of us here at BI send our love and strength to you and your family to help you navigate the very choppy waters of this journey that we are all on. 

love and peace to you,    carol   mikesmomrs

[mikesmum]

Shirley and Austin - many here have asked the same questions over and over.  How can I go on and live a normal life.  I have to tell you you can't.  Normal as you once knew it is no longer here.  Your life, the loss of your beautiful Chole have changed you forever.  It has been 16 months since I lost my 'adult' son...

What I found here was a place to share my pain, my anger, shed my tears and when I could share my son with the many who had lost their child in many different ways. 

The words in the verse Carol as posted gave me something to hold onto.  Bonnie's advice just as valuable.....one breath at a time........

As I always encourage, come often.  Read as much as your heart can handle, then post when you want, there is always someone here - the journey is long but here you are never alone.  There is a  thread that is especially for for the loss of a young child. 

Best I can offer - be kind to yourselves and each other.  Take care - your loss is still raw and in many ways surreal.......Trudi

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Shirley & Austin, I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Chloe....

I guess maybe it could help to say that as you have found your way to this website, Beyond Indigo, and you can see so many of us here who have lost children as well, that perhaps in this maybe you have also found your way to HOPE in that you too can survive this terrible loss and grief--as proof that we here are surviving.  It isn't glamorous, to say the least.  It's downright difficult from day to day.  But day by day, breath by breath (as Jason's mom said), we are surviving the very best we can, and we do have good days too, in time.

Please come back and visit, read, share, and know that we here have open arms and open hearts and receive you into our shared community of grieving parents who have lost their precious children.  Many of us are finding comfort in journeying this thing called grief together...

My heart and sympathies to your and your family in this very difficult time of loss.  ~Claudia (4everJoeysMom)

[johnnysmama]

Shirley and Austin

I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Chloe. She sounds like such a fun loving little girl. I feel your pain of your broken heart in your post. How do you go on? I wish I knew how you do-you just do. Why do you go on? Because of your love for your precious child. Their love is eternal. It is what gets me up everyday. You live because of them. You do it one second at a time. The wonderful, caring, non-judgemental people here are the other way I do it. You do it because there are other people on earth that need you to. Take care and know we are here and we care.

 

Peace,

Kay~Johnny is forever in my heart

1/30/86-3/12/07

[caitsmom]

I'm so sorry your precious baby girl, Chloe, died. My heart aches for you. I don't know how any of us survive this. It's something that we do, one breath at a time. Grief is hard work and I think we continue to live because we love our children. We love them and we struggle to weave their death into our lives and keep their memory close to us and honor the love they gave us in life and now in death. I agree with other parents here, Love is Eternal. Be gentle with yourself. Cry when you need to. Reach out for help if you can. Know that you are not alone. We understand.

Peace,

Caitsmom

[momof04]

Shirley, I so feel your pain. I lost my nine year old girl on September 4,2007 to a car accident. It is hard to take in life with out Jayme. I miss her dearly. Everyday when I wake up I say good morning to her even though she is not physicly here, I know she hears me. I kiss her picture and hold on to her blanket every night. I hear in time the pain is not so sharp. not that it ever totally goes away but that it get better. I also have been told the first year it the most painfull. I have days I do not want to get up, do not want to talk to anyone, but for my families sake I have to. Just take each day day by day. minute by minute if you have to. And if you need to take that time to cry, catch your breath do it. You need it . That is the only way we will heal. My prayers are with you. Carrie

[lagrangel]

Carol,

I just wanted to say I love the writing you have on your sons memorial page. It really touched my heart and spoke to me. If it is okay with you I would love to copy it and put it on my refrigerator so I can see it everyday. I think we just need small things just to keep us going everyday. I can see how that has brought you comfort. Thanks for sharing. Peace and comfort, Lana