lost Dad 17 months ago and its not getting better, it was supposed to be better

[karebear]

I lost dad in May 2012 and I was told the first year would be the hardest, my birthday, his, Christmas etc. I went through them all and it was excruciating but I had hope that after I made it through the first year it would somehow magically get easier or hurt less, what I found out is that believing that was a load of crap. It hasn't gotten any easier, I still cry just as much, the pain is still just as raw, and the memories of him dying are not slipping away to be replaced by only the happy memories. Is anyone else out there feeling this way or am I just different? I feel like I am stuck and can't get past it.

[nicci23]

Hi there,

I just lost my Dad about 3 months ago so although we are defiantely at different stages of grief I can totally relate to you. I feel your pain. And people do always tell you that after the first year it gets better, but I think thats a load of crap too. The pain I feel after 3 months is so intense that I don't ever see myself not feeling this pain, 10 years from now it will hurt just as much. How do people do this? I ask myself that every day. Thanksgiving and christmas is coming up and I want to crawl in my bed and not celebrate them. I am sure you went through that. I just wanted to reach out becuase you are not alone, and everyone grieves differently and it takes longer for some, that just shows how much you loved your Dad. I don't have any magical advice for you but hang in there, cling to your friends and family and keep busy, that's what I've been doing, and maybe one day, you will feel lighter, and start focusing on the happy memories. THat's what I hope for at least

Take care and hang in there

[ChelseaRaeMiller]

It's been almost 4 years since my father passed. It's still horrifying to think about, but it has got easier to cope with if that makes any sense.. It's the only thing i can really say. I'm sorry about your dad.

[widower2]

ugh, one thing that drives me nuts is hearing that someone was told "this is how it works." As nicci said, it's different for everyone. Yes, for many the first year is the hardest, but for many it can be harder (or about the same) the second year, perhaps because the truth of this being real sinks in more and it can hit you more that they really aren't coming back. Bottom line, again, it's diff. for everyone and there is no standard "this is how it works" kind of thing. Anyone who tells you otherwise simply doesn't know what they're talking about.

That all said, may I suggest you consider seeing a grief counselor (or if you did, try it again). No guarantees of course but it can't hurt and who knows how much it might help. Best to you

[Emmaloo87]

It's been 11 months and 2 weeks since I lost my dad. We've gone through all the big "firsts" now. I don't really count Thanksgiving because last year he was in Hospice so it was like we already had our first Thanksgiving without him. It sucks. It's not any better. In fact, worse now than ever I think. I am getting married in 7 1/2 months and I don't even want to anymore. I just want my life to stop moving and I want to go back in time and take my dad with me. This is just terrible.

[Rwilliams1346]

I agree with all of you .. On 9-27-10 my mother had a massive stroke that took away her ability to speak and walk this stroke paralyzed my mother on the right side.

From that day forward my life was at a change for the worst! I watched my mother suffer and my sisters blamed me for the stroke they said if I wouldn't have had my disagreements with my mother that this wouldn't have happened... Whats makes matters worse is that my mother and I weren't talking she was upset with me for staying out late.

I am 24 years old now at the time I was 21 and just moved back home to help with the bills. I woke up to my sister yelling saying that somethings wrong with mom. My mother was in the bathroom when the stroke happened, It was like 2:00am. I looked at my mother and for the first time she didn't recognize me.

She regained her memory back slowly. But she was left paralyzed and couldn't speak or talk her words would become confused with numbers.

The guilt I have is not treating her better before her stroke and not knowing that she was ill....

I watched my mother suffer for 3 years before she passed at hospice

I was her care taker for most of the time.

The most hurtful thing in the world is to see your loved one in pain and to have to change their soiled diapers =(

My mother passed away at 3:15am at the hospice in san antonio tx.

I wasn't even the 1st or second to find out

My older sister who was power of attorney hid it from me until about 10am

I dont think I can forgive my sister for being the only one there by mom's side before she passed especially since I lived 10 minutes away from the hospice NO ONE LET ME KNOW...

When I visited my mother she was stiff and the blood was no longer in her body but it was all pulled to the bottom of her body. I held her for over an hour crying until my spouse pulled me out of the room..

I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and deep depression that makes me exhausted..

I guess I am on here today hoping to find someone to talk to

Rebecca

[Rwilliams1346]

The only thing you can do is take it day by day.

Stay busy

I havent found any other cure for the hurt yet I lost my mother on 12/19/12 it has almost been a year and reality just doesnt seem real just yet.

You're doing great just by talking about it