Just lost my Dad two days ago

[SportsPhan8]

Hi, my name is Kyle. I'm a 25 year old student from New Jersey. I live with my mom and my younger brother, who's 20. I found out through my Mom, through one of my paternal uncles (who was my father's apartment's landlord) that he had passed a couple nights ago. Details are still scarce but it sounds like it was a suicide via gunshot, but we're not 100%.

I don't know, it's tough losing anybody close to you (either or both parents, grandparents, sibling, family, friends, etc.) but I think especially when you're younger and when that person you lost wasn't in their 70s-80s and up. Since Friday night (around 7), when I heard the news, I've been a rollercoaster of emotions- there are a couple hours that go by where I don't cry, and I feel good, and others where I just lose it emotionally and cry a lot. And even though I'm still upset and in pain in some of those times, it's almost a down period of crying, where I'm ok emotionally but not psychologically.

I'm still in shock, I loved my Dad a lot, as did my brother, and vice versa, and even though he had a lot of problems over the years (bi-polar, anger, drinking, heroin addiction, depression, blaming other people for problems, etc.) he was still there for me if I wanted to talk, to watch a sports game together, beach trips, holidays, etc. or even just to hang out and laugh at the little things in life. I don't know how I can ever, or will ever, replace that or him, I know I can't.

It makes it tougher that I think it was a suicide, and also that, even though he's in heaven now and in peace, I didn't get to say goodbye. Nobody wants to lose anybody close to them in life, and it's hard, but at least if they had a long-lasting disease, you could at least prepare for it more so than this. This was so sudden and unexpected.

My little, 16 year old sister, who had addiction problems, died from a drug overdose about a month and 6 days ago, and I think that really took a toll on him. he didn't have custody of her, and before we got back in touch with her within the past year or so, the 3 of us hadn't seen her in quite awhile (I thought it was 7 years that had gone by, not 100% sure). Even though I don't know the 100% details yet, I think the loss of Katie, my sister, and his depression and his financial state as well made him do something irrational.

Any thoughts and sentiments are appreciated, and I'd be willing to ask as many questions as possible about him/our relationship.

I love you Dad, miss you, R.I.P. He was 53.

[ModKonnie]

Hi Kyle, I am so very sorry about the loss of your father and your sister. We have a forum for those who have loved ones lost to suicide. You may want to check it out. Addiction, on top of everything else your father suffered from, is a terribly difficult disease, and it is very difficult to deal with all the way around. Your family has been through a severe shock, and it may help for your to seek some professional grief counseling or even a self help group where you can listen to others who have experienced similar tragedies. What kind of drug overdose did Katie die from? So, was your family estranged from each other or your father for awhile? How is your mother and brother dealing with all of this? It is perfectly okay to cry and grieve as much as you need to. We will be here for support and encouragement--ModKonnie