Just thought I would share..

[Austykatie]

I found this the other day and I thought I would share it with everyone here..It really hit home for me! Took some of the words right out of my mouth!

[Silvergirl61]

Thanks.for sharing that. I think the first time i realized that i was truly enjoying myself, and not aching inside every second, was exactly like that! I felt guilty for being able to smile, guilty for being able to even think I'd be all right...and the thought that I might sometime be ok was so terribly painful, like i was letting him go all over again...even though he would have wanted me to smile, and i know it. This is all just so unbelievable, isn't it?

[HeyJude]

Yes...it is so totally unbelievable. I catch myself so many times a day saying just that, "I just can't believe this." And yes, I do feel guilty for feeling happiness. This new puppy I just got makes me laugh and makes me feel love and happiness again and sometimes I think to myself "all it took to replace him was a damn dog". But that isn't the case at all. I could never replace him...EVER. There is not a man on the face of this earth that could hold a candle to the type of man my husband was. I definitely hit the jack-pot when I got him. But I will say that since the reading I had with the Medium, I know he is right beside me and is trying to make me happy again. So I'm allowing myself to feel that happiness, knowing that he is standing with me smiling. I am going to trust that he will help me with any decisions that I have to make and he will make sure I enjoy what time I have left. And then I will join him and oh what a day that is going to be!!

[Sammijo2424]

I feel so guilty sometimes that I no longer cry ALL the time, when I find myself smiling and laughing occasionally. I miss him so much. I know he would want me to live and not merely exist

[MissingDaniel]

Ouch.....I am wiping tears right now from reading that - I would almost swear I wrote it. Those genuine smiles and moments aren't very frequent right now, but I've had a few, and the guilt that accompanies them is the oddest feeling. Thanks for that, Katie. I do have some hope that I will have more of them, and that I can somehow let go of the guilt and just let myself be happy, at least for a little while. I am struggling with the balance between finding a way to keep him alive, both for me and our children, and letting him go enough that I can continue to get up and breath every day, and eventually find some measure of happiness while I'm still here. It's not easy, is it......?

[LizzyW]

Omg, Katy, that just hit so close to home. I understand the sentiment exactly. Thanks for posting it. I have been feeling generally okay with life lately, then I feel guilty for feeling okay.

[catz]

Isnt it just the last irony that while we all ache to not feel the constant pain of bereavement, when we actually DO feel free of it, we then get hit with guilt. It would be funny if it wasnt so bloody tragic. Its also perfectly normal, and i think really, the only way to work through it is to remember that our lost ones loved us, and would want us to smile. I know its a cliche, but cliches are cliches because theyre true.

[Austykatie]

I am really glad that I was able to share this with everyone. When I read it for the first time I had to reread it because I swear that I had wrote it and just didn't remember. I really found the part of Grieving my not grieving anymore to be so true. I really struggle sometimes that I am able to move forward so much easier than others. I know sometimes in my heart its just as much as others but I have a tough shell so no one really knows what is going on. I sometimes do look at my life and think how did I get here?