loss of several family members within 12 months

[kelley75766]

I have lived through the loss of my best friend and sister in 2007 from cervical cancer, I still am suffering greatly from that. I lost my son's dad in 2008. Now in October, 2012, my 28 year old nephew, from an auto injury, in December 2012, my favorite aunt to cancer, My niece from my sister that passed from cervical cancer, Holly had lymblastic leukemia, a very aggressive form, Now my daughter's daddy on September 22, 2013. I feel so weary and so broken. If I believed for a minute suicide twas okay, I would have been gone when my sister died. I stayed with her from July 19th until October 21, 2007. I would stay all through the week nursing her, then go home on weekends and cook, clean and visit with my kids. My daughter was 17 at the time and my son was 11. I hated to do that, but I felt and still feel like I made the right decision. When my niece was sent home with hospice for her to die at home, I quit my part time job, dropped 2 classes at college and planned on taking care of here like I did her mother. When I got there, I had not seen her for about 5 months since she had been living at a cancer center. My mother told me that she looked alot like Sandy (sister). I thought I was prepared. I went in and I felt myself catch a breath, she looked exactly like my sister but when she spoke she sounded like herself. I was rambling on and baffling, and trying not to show what I was feeling. After about what seemed like eternity, I went outside and when I did, I hit my knees and the sorrow just engulfed me. It felt like I was losing my sister all over again with the additional sorrow for my beloved niece. My daughter just got married on September the 8th. Her daddy and I had been divorced for 20 years. He passed away from a massive heart attack on September 22, 2013. My sorrow for them and those of us remaining knows no bounds. Now I can't sleep even though I take medicine to help, doesn't work. I am one of the walking wounded. Is there any way to get through this. I feel broken and alone in my pain. I am just now starting to see a counselor, I really don't know what she can do. When someone dies you just have to keep on going on. Life doesn't stop because people you love dearly die. I know that I have isolated myself from pretty much, I know too, that I will eventually get through it. It's just that so many have passed. When my daughters dad passed, it was a breaking point. He was my true love. We had known each other the last 30 years, we were married for 15 years. I just can't seem to pick my self up right now. I just wish that God would take me too. I don't know how to keep on dealing with death after death of my loved ones. I am 49 years old. I've lost too many. I don't even know what to ask for, maybe a word of encouragement, I sitting here just a crying. I am in need and the sad thing is I don't know what I need to help me through this. I'm thankful I am a Christian, it gives me hope. Thanks for listening or at least I hope someone is listening. Be blessed. Kelley

[ModKonnie]

Kelley, I am very sorry about the losses you have suffered, and I know my words cannot diminish your pain. A counselor can help you sort through all of the emotions you are experiencing, but also, talking about your feelings will help. Is there a grief support group in your town? What about a depression support group? Sometimes physically meeting and talking to others who share similar experiences will help you. You also have us. We will be here for you. Feel free to post on all of the forums and jump right into conversations. Everyone here has a painful story to share, but we are trying to support and encourage each other. --ModKonnie