Daughter's traumatic death

[Lainesmom]

On September 8 my daughter fell down stairs at her home in the middle of the night and broke her neck. I hope she died instantly but may never know. She left her husband and two children, a daughter age 11 and a son age 6. She was gone at least 2 hours before her husband found her. Fortunately the kids didn't see, I understand her face was hideously swollen. She was 41 years old. I just need to talk with others whose adult child died. I hold it together during the day but cry every night. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I want to help her husband and my grandkids but they live a state away. Help?

[Nomo]

Sharon,

I am also a newbie on this site, have been reading for several months, not posting. I lost my daugther aged 21 almost a year ago, Oct 30th, 2012. She died in her sleep. Her loss is the most excrutiatingly painful event of my life.

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Laine. I understand the need to reach out to your son in law and grandchildren. Is there any way you could go there and spend a few weeks with them? Maybe stay at a hotel or at another relative if you think it will be overwhelming for your son in law to have you in the house. It is very hard to try and help someone else cope with pain and loss when you are yourself in such pain.

Her children are so young to have lost their mom. I am sure they will be so grateful to have your love and support.

Hugs to you dear mom. I wish you gentle moments.

[hopeful40]

Lainesmom,

Let me offer my strongest condolences to you. As I read about your daughter, I wished I could be there to hug and hold you.

You see...I, too, just recently loss my adult daughter. She went to be with God, August 27th. Like your daughter, she was 40 years old. She would have been 41, September 6th. Divorced from her dad, many, many years ago.

My daughter went into cardiac arrest. Her departure was quite sudden. For many days, I walked around in total disbelief. I had prepared her for MY homegoing, quite a few years ago. Never in my dreams did I ever believe she would leave me behind. My heart is so broken, as she was single and had no children. And, my ONLY child. We were like sisters. We did so many things together. I not once thought I'd have to experience a new normal...but here I am. I ask God daily to give me strength to help ease the pain and to lessen the weight of this heavy heart I carry.

Lainesmom. I find getting involved with projects relative to my precious Ayanna, helps me somewhat. I call it my therapy. She left behind a legacy of which I want to share with others. I've promised her, I will do my best to allow this to come to fruition. The daily tasks, coming on this site; reading a daily meditation book entitled, Healing After Loss (a friend sent it to me); and having joined another grieving site, which sends information and tidbits in the snail mail, helps me a lot.

May I suggest, you too, bask in all the pleasant memories you have of your daughter. And, in time, think of ways you can commemorate her life. (This will also give meaning and purpose for your life as well.)

I do not have solutions for assisting with her husband...other than suggesting he and the children keep her memory live as well.

Perhaps, they could plant a tree; start a scrapbook; allow them to write letters or keep a journal about her. And, just as you have reached out to this site--as I have done to find peace within and comfort...suggest he too, do the same or perhaps join a grieving support group in his state; and seek one for the young children as well.

Be Blessed and know (as I continue to tell myself), we WILL become a little stronger each day. However, I do know, the tears will last me a lifetime; but I know in time they will be less and the hurt in my heart will ease and more SMILES will appear on my face, as I always think about her.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Barbara