Sad and angry

[Jlp131]

I'm 24 and my mom died when I was 5. I can't believe it's been 19 years. She got breast cancer when I was one. We spent all our time together and I just remember loving her so much. She always said we were best friends.

I was never allowed to grieve for her. She was still married to my dad when she died, but he had been cheating on her for years. He brought his mistress to live with us 6 weeks after my mom's death and then he married her. They kind of just acted like my mom never existed...I called my stepmom "mom" and never felt like I could talk about my mom and that it was a bad thing to miss her. As an adult, I see how messed up that is, but when I was that young I didn't know any different.

Anyway, I was never allowed to grieve. I few years ago I went to a counselor bc of anxiety, and I started to grieve then. I just don't know how to handle this. Sometimes I feel so sad I can barely move. Sometimes I feel dumb for feeling sad bc it's been so long. Then I feel guilty. A lot of the time I feel extremely angry, when I see other women with their moms. It makes me so mad. I could have had the best mother/daughter relationship ever and it was gone hardly before it started and i just get so mad and jealous that others have what I can never get again.

[ModKonnie]

JLP131, Perhaps you should continue to visit with your counselor and discuss all of these feelings you are having. It's perfectly okay that you feel sad about your mom; I'm not sure that ever ends no matter how long she has been gone. I will always feels sadness that my father isn't here anymore. I also think jealousy and anger are normal at times. So, it's good that you are talking about all of this. It will help you sort it all out. We will be here to listen.--ModKonnie