missing my brother

[annette1958]

hi im just new to this site but have been reading some of the posts and thought it might help me, my youngest brother passed away on 29/09/2013 so is realy raw he was a big gentle man who harmed no one, he collapsed in his home as we found out from his friends he had been vomiting for 2 weeks and never told us as he was scared stiff of doctors, we saw him on the monday he did not look well then and we told him to get to the doctor then on the saterday he collapsed, we went to see him in hospital they told us his blood preasure was very low and they were going to give him fluids, he asked me on the saterday night to bring him food in on the sunday when i took it too him we were told he was moved to critical care and had to be put on a ventilator, he was then fighting to breath we sat with him all week but there was no change, then on the saterday they told us they had got him to have a ct scan and he had colon blockage and that they would have to operate right away it was a risk they told us but without it he would die, he was in theatre for 4 hours and we were sick with worry that he would not survive it then we got told he was back on the ward but to call later as they would be a while getting him sorted, we called at 12 am and was told he was stable then got a call at 4-50 am he has deteriated and the family had to go to hospital he passed away at 7-30 all his family were with him, except that is for my mother as she has lung cancer is 76 years old and 5 stone he was her youngest child and the apple of her eye he was the reason she is still here he never knew what it was to buy food as my mother did all that but as she grew more ill he needed to do it himself, we had to hide a lot from her as seeing him on a ventilator was bad enough for us but that would have killed her, we told her he was in with phemonia which he also had and that he was hooked up to drips but she could not see him as her lungs were bad and she could catch it, i dont know if we did the right thing for her though now as when he passed he also had t.b and for saftey reasons the funeral director told us he could not be open the casket had to be closed which ment she never got to see her son the funeral was just on saterday there and i am racked with guilt both about my mum and thinking maybe thats what was wrong with him a colan blockage that could have been fixed now my mother is asking when hes coming back when i told her he cant shes saying but i never saw him please can someone advise me this is the first death in my immediate family and we have never went through this before the pain is so sore thinking i could have helped him he was only 46 thank you for reading this xx

[ModKonnie]

Annette1958, I am so very sorry about the loss of your brother. Perhaps a grief counselor or a family counselor will be able to help you figure out how to deal with all of this. You did the best you could, and there was no way you could have done anything about the colon block because he didn't even know he had it. As far as your mother, I'm a little confused. Does she understand he has passed away? Are there other family members who can help you through this? Talk with them about all of this. Your grief is no fresh and raw, for now, just try to get through a little at a time. Cry, walk, rant, whatever you feel you need to do, but just talk to people about your loss. That will help you sort through things. Try to take care of yourself because it's tougher to grieve when you physically are run down. We will be here for you--ModKonnie

[annette1958]

hi thank you for your message, i know now there was nothing i could do about the colon blockage i just wish they at the hospital had found it sooner the never scaned him for 1 week and maybe could have sorted it i dont know i can only hope he never knew about anything he went through as he was so scared of doctors and needles, i just wish this pain and feeling of guilt would go away, my mother is 76 and is fighting lung cancer stephen was her golden boy youngest of us all and she adored him, we had to hid the fact that he was on life support from her as it would have killed her to see him like that, then we had to go tell her he had passed away that was the hardest thing i ever had too do, his coffin had to be closed as he also had tb and infection doc said it was in her best interest but now i dont know as she cant put closure to it all thank you so much for replying to me take care xx

[annette1958]

Annette1958, I am so very sorry about the loss of your brother. Perhaps a grief counselor or a family counselor will be able to help you figure out how to deal with all of this. You did the best you could, and there was no way you could have done anything about the colon block because he didn't even know he had it. As far as your mother, I'm a little confused. Does she understand he has passed away? Are there other family members who can help you through this? Talk with them about all of this. Your grief is no fresh and raw, for now, just try to get through a little at a time. Cry, walk, rant, whatever you feel you need to do, but just talk to people about your loss. That will help you sort through things. Try to take care of yourself because it's tougher to grieve when you physically are run down. We will be here for you--ModKonnie

hi thank you for your message, i know now there was nothing i could do about the colon blockage i just wish they at the hospital had found it sooner the never scaned him for 1 week and maybe could have sorted it i dont know i can only hope he never knew about anything he went through as he was so scared of doctors and needles, i just wish this pain and feeling of guilt would go away, my mother is 76 and is fighting lung cancer stephen was her golden boy youngest of us all and she adored him, we had to hid the fact that he was on life support from her as it would have killed her to see him like that, then we had to go tell her he had passed away that was the hardest thing i ever had too do, his coffin had to be closed as he also had tb and infection doc said it was in her best interest but now i dont know as she cant put closure to it all thank you so much for replying to me take care xx

Annette1958, I am so very sorry about the loss of your brother. Perhaps a grief counselor or a family counselor will be able to help you figure out how to deal with all of this. You did the best you could, and there was no way you could have done anything about the colon block because he didn't even know he had it. As far as your mother, I'm a little confused. Does she understand he has passed away? Are there other family members who can help you through this? Talk with them about all of this. Your grief is no fresh and raw, for now, just try to get through a little at a time. Cry, walk, rant, whatever you feel you need to do, but just talk to people about your loss. That will help you sort through things. Try to take care of yourself because it's tougher to grieve when you physically are run down. We will be here for you--ModKonnie

hi thank you for your message, i know now there was nothing i could do about the colon blockage i just wish they at the hospital had found it sooner the never scaned him for 1 week and maybe could have sorted it i dont know i can only hope he never knew about anything he went through as he was so scared of doctors and needles, i just wish this pain and feeling of guilt would go away, my mother is 76 and is fighting lung cancer stephen was her golden boy youngest of us all and she adored him, we had to hid the fact that he was on life support from her as it would have killed her to see him like that, then we had to go tell her he had passed away that was the hardest thing i ever had too do, his coffin had to be closed as he also had tb and infection doc said it was in her best interest but now i dont know as she cant put closure to it all thank you so much for replying to me take care xx