Lost My Mum

[hannah1993]

In 2005 my mum was diagnosed with lunch cancer, it developed and got worse and finally in 2007 she passed away. I was 11 when it all started and 13 when she actually passed away. At the time I was fine. She had disconnected herself from me when she was ill and i was lucky because i had older siblings (21 years older, 19 years older and 14 years older then me) and they took care of me so at the time, i relied on my sisters rather than her. I am now 20 and i am really struggling. I don't think i have ever grieved. I feel like I should be fine, and i am being stupid, but everything is an effort. I don't know how i get out of bed in the mornings sometimes. i feel like i'm a failure. I feel like there are more people in the world with worse problems then me, and i don't know what to do.

[nopeace]

Hello hannah1993. You have so much to be grateful for. You had others who could be there for you. At 20 you can still cry and nothing is wrong with it. I am 46 and I cry, talk to my Momma everyday, visit her gravesite every week. You are not being stupid. I have not had the time to grieve myself. I am putting one foot in front of the other everyday. If you believe in God continue to pray and he will give you what you ask for. You are definitely not a failure. Yes there are others who are going through worst things than we are but believe it or not they continue to go through because when the load gets to heavy then that is when God picks us up and carry us the rest of the way. I didn't know how I was going to make it without my Momma. She was ALL I had. Everybody - so called family turned their backs on me and accused me of killing my Momma. God's grace and mercy I'm still here. There is a real, true and living God. Believe that and give him yours problems and he will take care of them for you. Keep on keeping on in God's name. God loves you and so do I.

[LeanneC]

I'm 20 and I lost my mum too last year. I just want to tell you that you are not a failure. Your mum will be so proud of you for taking each day as it comes. It's normal to want to lay in bed all day and feel how you want to feel and you're entitled to do that. But remember you have a life in her name, a legacy that you have to continue. That's what got me up and running, doing things for her,myself and others and trying to be successful to make my mum proud. I have focused myself in that to stop myself going insane or falling deeper into the grieving depression.You should try that. Do you have a job? a career you want to persue? a country you want to visit that you can plan and go to? one where you and your mum wanted to go?. Is your mums side still here? can you talk to them? talk to them about her and find out things you never knew like when she was young. Memorize her as your mother, your angel who is no longer in pain. Write a journal whenever you're down and collect pictures of her so when you're at your lowest you have them, they have helped me.

You're a surviver, a fighter no matter how young or how old

Much love

Leanne X