back.....and possibly front and sideways as well ;)

[catz]

hi all

well, im back from my little break. And one thing i have to say first is thank you to all of you who messaged me. I deeply appreciate your concern, and thank you

So, did i learn anything?....im not really sure. I know that i was teetering on the edge emotionally when i decided to take a break from here, feeling incredibly fragile.I couldnt handle my own issues never mind cope with anyone elses. I still dont know what caused it or why i felt it so strongly, but i seem to have come through it now and am at least on a more even keel. It was a pretty rough ride there for a bit though. Please believe me when i say that it wasnt anything that any one person said or did that made me throw my toys outta the cot (dunno if that translates into american.....just means throwing a temper tantrum), but a combination of factors that all conspired to make me lose it a little. I know one thing now though, and that is that if i had to rely on the contact i get from the people around me here IRL, id be dead from loneliness in no time! I guess its here that all those years as a loner sneaks up and bites me on the proverbial. The support that you all give to each other is something very special and so important in many lives. I pray to whatever gods are listening that it remains so,I can genuinely say that one thing that i did learn was how much i relied on you guys for just plain old company. Just for people to interact with. Its slightly disturbing to realise that youve gone a whole week without speaking to anyone with fewer than 4 legs! lol. I guess what im trying to say is that i respect and appreciate every person here for their courage in facing what they do every day, and still having the guts to try to help others through their darkness. And i need to have y'all in my life cos i dont think i can do it all alone, and im not used to having to say that or admit it to myself, but i think its one of those hard truths that we get faced with in these situations.

Anyway, enough rambling from me for now

catz

[widower2]

I'm glad to be the first to see this and say welcome back!

[Silvergirl61]

Catz!

I am glad you are feeling a bit better. Even gladder you're back.

[Karen.Lyn]

And I'm glad I get to say "Welcome back" as well.

[HeyJude]

Me too ! I'm glad your back and I know exactly what you mean about being a loner biting you in the ass! Same with me.

[MissingDaniel]

Welcome back, catz! I think we all feel some of those things sometimes. If not for my kids and work, I'm afraid I'd quickly become closed off in my own little world of solitude.

You know, I have pretty much come to accept that any real happiness in my life is gone, but sometimes I am surprised. I was headed to work the other morning, and it was a really pretty morning. I had quit listening to music on my phone much , but was that morning, and a favorite song came on. And I caught myself smiling - a genuine, at this moment i feel good kind of smile. It was a nice moment. It was good to know that I could feel that way still. I wish for one of those moments for you!

[needy]

Glad to see you are back. Last month was my "hard" time, I needed to be alone a lot and allow my brain to readjust. Guess it all part of the roller coaster ride everyone talks about. Not sure about you but I hate roller coasters.

[Austykatie]

So glad your back!!