Loss of partner

[wendyr]

    Hi.  I just lost my fiancee and the love of my life on April 30, 2008.  He was killed in an accident.  I am due to have his daughter in five weeks.  I also have a five year old son, who is not his biologically, but was treated like his own.  I am so grief stricken that I hardly can function sometimes.  I have wanted a little girl my whole life, but right now, I cannot even find it in me to be joyful about the baby.  I am really struggling.

My story is so complicated.......we had just bought a house and had only been in it for two days when he was killed.  The mortgage is only in his name due to circumstances...  My car is in his name because he bought it for me..... He was our family's only source of income so I am left with no financial means to raise my children........he was only 34, so we never made any preparations for it to happen.......AND, to add insult to injury, his mother is trying to strip me of every single thing that is his.  She wants every single thing and she is prepared to fight me for it all.  We lived together for a little over three years and had built a home and a family together.  'We were looking forward to having our daughter so much.

I am having great difficulty getting through the days without my nerves getting shot because of all the extra BS I have to deal with.  Life is really hard for me right now and any support would be greatly appreciated.

[4everjoeysmom]

Wendy, I'm so sorry for your loss--devastating and complictaed, as you described it, and I hope and pray that in some way, the comfort and security you and your children need will come to you.  There are no words that can suffice...  I am so very sorry and saddened for you...  This time of preparing to give birth should be joyous..

Have you talked with an attorney or someone knowledgable who can offer you some advice pertaining to your financial situation to find if there is a way to protect yourself from the mother...........?

I wish I could say something to help...   I am a praying woman, so that's the best I can do in the moment.  Praying for you, ~Claudia

[armaiti]

Wendy, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I lost my partner almost two years ago.  We also weren't married and I have dealt with some of the repercussions of that, like not being able to get his Social Security.  Luckily his family loves me and was/is very supportive of me. 

I post to the "I Miss Him So..." thread the most, there are a lot of women there that are very supportive as well.  This is such a big thing, and you are at such a huge juncture in life, with your child due so soon.  Just take one breath at a time, one step at a time and don't let anybody tell you how you should be grieving or feeling.  On this journey there is only one way to do it, and that is the way that is right for you.  I kept my partners clothes and things and never gave anything away, I did my own ceremonies, even dressed him at the funeral home, with the help of a close friend and spiritual teacher, and did ceremony before he was cremated. And watch for signs that he is still with you.  I truly believe partners keep watch over us, and I'm sure yours will be with you, especially with the birth of your child  so near.

We are here for you. 

Blessings,

Anna

[genevieve]

Wendy,

I am so  sorry about your situation. My fiance and I were planning to get married this year (we were together almost 9 years), and trying to do some things regarding his finances, etc. have been pretty difficult. He died abroad, and the Embassy will only contact his parents, since am not counted as 'next of kin," even though he put my name in his passport.as next of kin. His family was supportive, but I had to defer to their wishes regarding funeral arrangments, etc. --they asked my opinion, but then went ahead and did what they wanted anyway. I had nowhere near the pressure you're getting...

I know it must be hard having all the extra to deal with--as if the grief and taking care of your child wasn't enough. My guess would be that you have some legal claim --I think the term is 'common law' relationship--if you can prove a long-term relationship, legally, it would be much harder for his mother to try and take the house, etc.

Please keep us posted and try not to let ieverything  overwhelm you.

genevieve