I just lost my mom

[Amjs11]

9/27/13 at around 5 pm I lost my mom. She had her gallbladder removed Tuesday, and I had been taking care of her since then. She was fine and lucid and could do a lot of things on Wednesday, so I thought she would recover quickly as she did tend to do. But a lot of friends and family members told me it would be worse on the third day so I thought I was prepared. The doctor told me to get her up every 2 hours for a small walk. But Thursday I couldn't get her to move. It seemed like she was just tired and had maybe had too much medicine so I cut back on her medicine because she said she wasn't hurting. Thinking it would get out of her system and clear her head. So I let her sit all day. Friday I KNEW she needed to get up. She needed a shower and she needed to change clothes. After about an hour of me and one of her friends trying to get her up she finally got up. I sat her on the shower chair and bathed her and when we were done she leaned against her bed like she wanted to rest, but then she fell backwards and started throwing up brown stuff. I called an ambulance but they didn't get there in time. I don't know what to do. I'll be 20 in December and I'm so confused and so angry. She was the only parent I've ever had. She adopted me as a single parent when I was two months old and she was forty two. I've lost my grandparents and uncle within the last five years, and I thought it would be fine as long as I had my mom, but now I feel so lost.

[ForeverRemembered]

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I am truly sorry. My mom passed away 09/11/2012 right in front of me also, and it was very hard. I would like to tell you one thing, and I can't even believe that I am writing this to you in your time of needing a shoulder, but I wished that someone had told me. I believe that my mom died of an embolism. I believe that she had this for about a year and no one caught it because she was allergic to CAT SCAN dye. It is a long story, but someone can have an embolism for a long time (and if gone untreated) it could destroy the heart while making breathing difficult. This was my mom during the past year of her life. However, because we did not get an autopsy on her, I had no proof. If I could turn back time, I would have gotten an autopsy done before my mom was cremated. It may have shown that the doctors were right all along, but it may have also shown that they had missed something. I am not sue happy, but for peace of mind, I would have liked to know.

I have never written a reply to someones post like that. However, according to your description, I couldn't just read your post and not say anything. I am not a physician, but I do have some medical background.

Again, I am so sorry. Please just take it moment by moment right now. You may feel numb or you may be in a state of shock right now. It has been a year for me, and when you are during your weakest moments, just remember that you won't feel like this forever. I prayed to my mom, to please please just send me a sign that she is okay. I can't tell you how many unexplained signs that I have gotten. You seem like a very loving and caring daughter, just from reading your post. I know that your mom loved you so much. Know that she is okay and that an angel has her in their arms. Your mom is never really gone. Post here again please and let us know how you are doing. BUG HUGS sweetie!

[Amjs11]

Thank you for your reply. It means a lot to know there are people who understand how I'm feeling. An autopsy is being done because the medical examiner is requiring it because she passed at home.

I feel like I should have done more. Maybe if I had called the ambulance sooner or if I hadn't made her get up for a shower. I feel like my world has stopped.