Thank you all

[HeyJude]

I just wanted to say thanks to all of you who post on a regular basis. It is so comforting to know that there are other people out there who understand and feel the same way I do. Most of you write such beautiful posts. SilverGirl, you should be a writer. Your posts always hit me right there and I can feel the emotion well up in my face...weird thing to say but when I'm going to cry my face hurts. I have been missing my Jerry so much the past few days. Just when I think the tears are over it starts in all over again. Sometimes even worse than before. When I read the post about all their weird and annoying little quirks and how now they seem so trivial and minuet it just totally hit me how I would give anything I have just to have him around to irk the heck outta me again. I think the reason we all have such a hard time with this is because our partners were that once in a lifetime kinda love. Jerry was truly my soul mate. I saw him across a room the night we met, 9/14/1979, and we were together ever since. Love at first sight. When you all talk about your partners I can just feel the love that you all shared. Why?? Why did they have to die?? I feel so bad for us all but I am really glad that we all have each other right now. So thanks people! Thanks for being here and sharing your lives and loves with me.

[andysgirl]

I read a lot of your posts and think you're really kind to reply to so many people . Sorry you've been having a bad few days, me too. It's almost with the changes in season there is a change in my emotions, so that + the regular triggers can make it overwhelming. I wish I knew why too, I ask myself that every day, all day long. It's unberable knowing we'll never have an answer. Jerry sounds like a wonderful man, he's with you . Take good care of yourself.

[Silvergirl61]

I am glad that some of the things I write about reach people.It was so awful and frightening to think i was crazy, that the way i was feeling was wrong or not what i was supposed to be feeling , or that I was just too weird...and so I just write what's happening, or what i'm thinking, or how it feels...and hope that it will bring some meaning into all of this somehow...and that someone else won't feel alone like that, and not be able to find a spark to light the dark, too.

I believe you're right..they were the once in a lifetime ones..the kind you never forget, and always love. we were so lucky to find them..not everyone gets that chance.

I don't think the" why them", is an answer we are going to get to know yet..but someday we will. I have hit a place lately, where i can let that go for awhile. As time goes on.. I am gaining a feeling of peace..a little at a time, with that struggle, and am trying to reach for the acceptance that it just is..and that maybe there is no why, that's how it was supposed to be, and knowing that he lives in my heart instead of beside me...because that's how it has to be. Missing him is so very hard, and moving on with the living seems to be so monumental and bewildering sometimes! The most terrible moments in all of this for me.are the ones where I feel all alone. Coming here, I realize, that I'm really not, and it helps.

I am trying to do what I know he wanted me to, and some days, I succeed...and i want to share those days, too..with the hope someone who comes later will get a bit of hope from it. I know , others have faced this type of loss before and survived it..I just fear i am not as strong as they were..then I read how someone here found a step up...and it makes me think I can try again to inch forward, and reach for the hand that's ahead of me. We are all doing that..reaching out to each other, and helping each other walk ahead...until our world stops tilting so badly and the fear gets easier to live with...or fades away.

It is good to finally realize..that there are days when I can breath again . Days when I can smile, and it feels like maybe i might, sometime, find my own space, and a way to make a new plan..and go forward. To realize that if it comes back..the sad and painful days do pass, to an easier time, too.

Thank you, for reading what i write..sometimes I think i babble too much with no sense to it. Whether you know it or not, you are a writer yourself, leaving a book for others to read in the days to come, and a record to follow when they need it. All of us here are...and for that i am very grateful.

[MissingDaniel]

I'm chiming in a litte late here. I've been AWOL for the past couple of weeks between being out of town and some very difficult issues with my neice. I'm playing catch-up now, and wanted to share that I, too, have been moved to tears, inspired, lifted up and encouraged many times by other posters here. (And yes, SG, I have to agree that you do have a way with words) I chuckled a bit when I read about missing all the little quirks and annoyances....I have thought to myself SO many times that I would give just about anything to be annoyed by him now. He used to get in these moods after he'd been watching Discovery Channel or History, and he would want to talk to me about all the stuff he learned, that fascinated him so, and sometimes I just didn't feel like listening and I would end up just tuning him out. Oh, what I would give for one of those rambling moments now. Or to smell the smoke when I walk in the door because he's been smoking in the house again instead of going outside like I asked him to, or to go into the refrigerator to find that the bowl of leftovers that I had been planning on having has been combined with several other things in one of his little "experimental combinations" that I usually was not too excited about, but he thought was amazing. I'd be happy for these things now - it's funny...

Anyway, I have appreciated hearing about these life-changing relationships from others here. We all have our stories, and I've enjoyed hearing what made all of your loved ones special. Jude, like you, Daniel and I literally saw each other across a room one night, decided that we had just seen "the one," and from that night on, we were together. It's a very hard thing to lose. Hard enough for me after 15 years, but after 34.....? Really tough....

Anyway, I am truly grateful for the people here!