Members The drummer's wife Posted September 23, 2013 Members Report Share Posted September 23, 2013 Just now, while scrolling through the forums trying to get a 'feel' for this site I received a phone call. I dread answering the phone, It breaks me into when the caller asks for my husband. This call was from a collection agency inquiring about a payment for his medical debt. I haven't been able to use the word dead to describe my husband's passing...silly of me...but I can't say it...yet with this call I just blurted out "He is dead." I feel horrible using that awful word, it's not fair to call him that....yet I don't know why I just used it now...other than to perhaps shock the person inquiring. There is anger, deep anger in having such an enormous debt to pay and having the result be his demise. Maybe that's why I said it. I feel I betrayed him by calling him dead. He isn't dead. He is gone. He has passed on. He has gone home. He is no longer with us. He lost his battle. To me dead means forgotten. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members needy Posted September 23, 2013 Members Report Share Posted September 23, 2013 I had one of my husband's professional organizations he belongs to call me, I told them what had happened and she said guess he will be terminating his membership literally. Jerk. I don't normally say the D word, I say he has passed, but in this case I see no problem in what you did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The drummer's wife Posted September 24, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted September 24, 2013 I had one of my husband's professional organizations he belongs to call me, I told them what had happened and she said guess he will be terminating his membership literally. Jerk. I don't normally say the D word, I say he has passed, but in this case I see no problem in what you did.Thank you needy, I needed to hear that it was okay that I said that....it has troubled me all day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OldGeek Posted September 24, 2013 Members Report Share Posted September 24, 2013 A couple of weeks after Linda died I received a phone call asking to speak to her and was very insistent. I figured out real quick it was a phone solicitor, and unloaded on him with a string of profanity and "Linda's dead you ... jerk". I think that was the first time I used the "D" word, and the emotional release actually felt good after I calmed down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The drummer's wife Posted September 24, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted September 24, 2013 A couple of weeks after Linda died I received a phone call asking to speak to her and was very insistent. I figured out real quick it was a phone solicitor, and unloaded on him with a string of profanity and "Linda's dead you ... jerk". I think that was the first time I used the "D" word, and the emotional release actually felt good after I calmed down.Thank you for your response, oldgeek.I dread the phone calls asking for him...and the mail that is addressed to him...and a million other things. I fear the day when I unload.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted September 24, 2013 Members Report Share Posted September 24, 2013 You know what I hate more than any word or phone call or letters?? The damn medical bills that keep coming in almost 9 months later!!! That just irritates the hell out of me and I want to scream at these people. It isn't that I have to pay anything, most of the items have not been submitted to the insurance company. Its just, the way they talk to you and when I tell them that he has passed away it is like they don't even care or believe me for that matter. Seriously, I have had more calls regarding past due medical bills in the last 6 months than I have the entire 13 years we went through the transplant stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted September 24, 2013 Members Report Share Posted September 24, 2013 Dennis and I were trying to find a way, to let him finally get his college degree..looking forward, hoping to figure out some way to make it easier for him to adapt to his limitations in a productive way. Three months after he was gone..an acceptance letter came for him from a college he had applied to, and a financial aide award. I called at the time, and thanked them , and told them he had died..and they offered condolences, etc. Two days ago, I received another letter from them, mentionng that there were many special programs for veterans at the university, and that they were highly interested in him as an older student, and asking him to please reconsider his decision not to attend , and apply again. letters like this one are the hardest...they show me the possibilities for a future that can never happen, for a dream that can never come true now...but that would have, if only there was time. Yes, I can say dead. The word is easy..it's the emotion and the reality of it that destroys my heart all over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members catz Posted September 24, 2013 Members Report Share Posted September 24, 2013 I still havent even managed to get the agency come and pick up Alexs equipment. After he developed the tremor, he needed help to do many things that hed always done alone before, like getting in and out of bed, showering and pushing himself in his chair. To that end we had a hospital bed brought home, a hoist to help me move him more easily, and an electric wheelchair.....we still have the holes in the wall from that one ....alex was many things, but a driver wasnt one of them. I also still have his manual wheelchair still in the same spot it was the day he died.Why cant i just make the call to get this stuff out of the house? Well, thats a damn good question, which to be honest, i cant asnswer. Its almost like, calling up, and telling them to come and get it will be the final confirmation that he wont ever be back, and i dont know if im ready for that just yet, in spite of everyone saying how "well" im doing. Yes i can laugh......a friend of mine said just recently "well at least you still have your sense of humour" and yes i do......but thats kinda rock bottom for me. Its like some people take refuge in pride, i take refuge in finding the funny, and trying to get others to see it too. That doesnt mean im ok, and right now i can feel my throat tightening just at the thought of having to call up and tell them tihat i dont need this stuff, cos Alex is dead. Yeah, SG youre so right.....the word is just a word, its the frieght that it brings with it that cuts deep.Ok ive rambled all over the show here and i dont think i actually ended up saying what i intended to or even really stayed on the topic. Sorry bout that....im a bit scattered today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members needy Posted September 24, 2013 Members Report Share Posted September 24, 2013 Oh no!! Catz is suffering from the procrastination club!! Welcome to the group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members needy Posted September 24, 2013 Members Report Share Posted September 24, 2013 Way to go Denis!!!! You got accepted!!! He would have done so well. Be proud Silvergirl!! Yes the would have, is a hard thing to handle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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