Grieving - We Have to Teach People How to Treat Us

[DeeDee624]

I am no authority on any of this as I am only 7 weeks into this horrible world of grieving the loss of my wonderful daughter, but during those 7 weeks, I, too, have been hurt by others -- whether it be that they didn't reach out to us at all or that they are just plain ignorant to the painful grieving world that we now live in. A few of my friends have decided to become my reality check and remind me that my Amy isn't coming back. Hello! I live my reality every single day. It's a painful way to live and unless you have walked in my shoes, do not assume to know what I am going through or how long it will last??? I want to live on to honor my daughter but it's a daily battle to live my life because I find that I now live in a world where I don't speak the language. I have also had people insinuate that they are more blessed than I am. Shame on you idiots that would even speak this out loud because I am still blessed to have my angel as well as others that love me. I am blessed to have had a loving daughter in my life for 27, almost 28 years as she passed away 1 week before her 28th birthday. Grievers on this website all know this horrible pain and loss and for that I am so so sorry that we find ourselves on this website. But we can teach people how to treat us and when they cross a line, kindly tell them that what they said or did "is not helping" you. It's hard to do when all of your energy is being zapped by grief but if it helps another griever down the road, then it was worth putting it out there. I do believe that many people who initially reach out to us will want to return to their normal lives asap -- I wish I could change the date back to when all that occupied my mind was the regular irritations and my life wasn't shattered by the loss of my precious daughter. But my reality check is that it doesn't work that way. I didn't realize a person could cry this many tears and that a cereal box in the grocery story could put me into hysteria. Our hearts are so heavy from the loss of our loved ones that we have no room for resentment and additional pain so we have to guard it carefully. Let's try not to let others increase the load we carry in our hearts. Next time someone says something hurtful, tell them that their words are not helping you. If a friend or family member checks out on you, as many will do (I am already prepared for that), call them or email them and say: "remember when you said if there is anything I can do ...???? well, actually, there is. I am very lonely and if you could check in on me periodically, that would help." Or when the ones finally show up who did not have enough depth to show up when it happened, remind them that you noticed their absence and it hurt you. That's how I personally think we teach people how to treat us and guard our heart from further pain. Heaven knows we are already in enough pain! I wish you a moment of peace today in your grieving lives and you all have my sincerest sympathy as you grieve your loved one.

[imissyoupritch]

I agree it makes it so much harder because we are left with all the pain that is almost too much to bear-I lost my son 6 weeks ago and I cannot even think-my grief as is yours is sooo hard to take that when anyone makes demands on me I just freeze-and I, too, have been really hurt by some friends and family-even the ones who expect yopu to bounce back like, "So... now what are you going to do? How about figuring out your next career move?" No I am not going back on the radio right now! Or the ones who never call... or say insensitive things-or ignore you and avoid you and you know it! Because they think it is contageous or something-or you are "marked" now. It's awful-but as I said in another post that was menat for you but this is the first time I havee been on this sight so I dont know how it works but you are definitely not alone-I am right there in the exact smae agonizing place