struggling miss my parents

[heather62188]

This is really hard for me to do... I've never been one to be able to talk about my feelings. Both my parents died in freak accidents. When I was three my dad was playing in a softball game and someone mistakingly threw the ball at his head. He was in a coma for 6 days until my mom chose to shut off life support. From that day on my mom was my entire world my everything. When I was 19 my mom was by herself eating and she choked. My life as I knew it was over. I never dealt with it or even talked about it and tried to stay as strong as a 19 year old child can be. I've been on my own since. Its been five years. I'm ready to start talking about it and trying to cope. I don't know how to reach out or who to reach to. I feel like everyone that knows me isn't going to understand my cry for help five years later. I'm just really confused

[ModKonnie]

Heather, I am sorry about your losses. You may be surprised to know that others may be wondering how you managed to go five years without crying for help. You've suffered immeasurable loss, and I hope you do have friends and other family you can talk to about your feelings. I am glad you are dealing with your emotions now--it will help you to heal in a healthy manner. Talking and writing about your feelings are the best way to deal with them. Joining a group--like a support group--is one way to also get help. Being strong doesn't mean being alone. People can ask for help and still be strong, and you've certainly shown in the past five years you can keep moving forward, but you don't have to do it by yourself. We can be here for you. --ModKonnie

[cmobrien32]

I completely agree with ModKonnie below. You've been immeasurably strong and I have to think that those around you would be shocked to know what you've been hiding and impressed that you've been able to cope in the way that you have. That's not to say keeping these things to yourself is something you should continue with, though.

In my own experience, significantly different than yours, I always tried to hide a lot of things about what I thought was a shameful and weird family situation/history - especially prior to my mom's passing. Now that I have started talking about it, people have been very open and considerate. In talking with my therapist, we've discussed how I sometimes talk about my loss as a way to "explain why I am the way I am." But for as seemingly selfish a reason it may be, the real reason I do it is to finally open myself up to other people. Rather than trying connect about something they may not relate to (my own history of depression and the like), it presents something with which they can potentially sympathize. In a weird way, it's been my method of actually connecting with people. It opens a door to "the real me," which I have been hiding for so long.

Everyone does things - especially grieving - at their own pace, but it seems like you are in a good place personally to open up and start sharing with your close circle or with a therapist or support group. Best of luck to you and, though this is only my second post, it seems this forum is always here to help as well.