How do i get over my dad its been a year

[mizzhellokitty1970]

Hi im 42 years old and my daddy died a year ago. He was 79 years old he had a brain bleed stroke and was on life support for thirteen days. He died june 13, 2012. I was in shock i had to make the decision to take him off life support cause thats what he wanted. But it took him twenty minutes to go i watched him turn colors as his lungs filled up and all i heard was the death rattle yet i had to tell him it was ok i rubbed his arm i sang to him and somewhere in the twenty minutes i felt my mind snap how can i tell him that its ok to go when i just wanted him to be there all better but he came out of it long enough to look at me and then he passed away. I got to call it 4:10 i will never forget that day i had reality hit hard when the superbowl was on this year i lost it i cried and cried and cried and no medicine can help me i am bi polar but i think i have ptsd from it. I keep seeing him there i can hear the death rattle still and everything reminds me of him. I have become a recluse and feel like i will never have a day i dont cry about my daddy. momma died 8 years before so i felt like an orphan what does everyone else think about this

[ForeverRemembered]

Hello! I am really not on this forum anymore. However, I still get the emails from new posts and today I read your post. Often times I can't respond but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I lost my mom on September 11th 2012. I was alone with my mom when she past away. She went into respiratory distress. It felt like forever. She turned blue and just wanted so desperately to sit up but the nurses just kept pushing her to lie down again. It was awful. She ended up having a stroke and never regained consciousness. She died two days later. I sat with her, prayed for her, I sang out loud to her, and watched her until she took her last breath. I had my ipod and wore it almost the entire time because of those awful sounds of fluid building up in her lungs. I also told my mom it was okay to go. I felt like I needed to say it, for her. Maybe you were the same with your dad. Maybe you were trying to be so strong for you dad. He needed to know that it was okay with you for him to leave. That you would be okay. I believe that was the case with my mom. Although, I didn't want her to leave, I think it was important for her to know that I would be okay if she left. Your dad needed you to tell them him that it was okay if he let go.

I went to get help. Many may think they don't need any help, but it was so good for me. The doctor really just sat and listened. He didn't really say too much, but there was one thing that he did say that made me really start to heal. He said to go through what we went through was somewhat like PTSD. How could it not be? When your mind is racing and continually going over and over what happened the day your dad died, your brain is just trying to find some reasoning to what happened. It continually repeats until it finds out something that makes sense. I do not know if this will help you or not. It helped me. What I did was when my mind started to race and go back to that day, I just told myself that there will be another time that I can try to analyze what happened but I didn't want to do it right then. You have to really push it out of your mind and just tell yourself that another time will be better to try and make sense of it. You have to give yourself times to cry and remember that day. However, on those days when we just don't want to remember is when you need to tell yourself that it is not the time. Tell yourself that you will do this another time. It sounds so silly, but I believe it really has helped me in a tremendous way.

I miss my mom everyday. There isn't a day that I don't think about her and wish she was sitting right beside me. However, I know that I will see her one day. Your dad doesn't want you to be sad. He doesn't want you to keep thinking of him on that day. He wants you to talk about him. He wants you to laugh and something funny that happened in the past. He wants you to keep up the traditions that he loved.

Your not alone. A lot of us are just like you. I hope this helped a little. Keep in touch and thanks for writing here. Sometimes that is all we need. To let off some anger or sadness and then we feel better. We don't judge here. We don't know you. What I do know is that you are not alone. Just remember that. We all feel your sadness. I hope you are feeling better. HUGS to you.