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having a friend and the kids hating it!


naty0123

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I have a male friend who has been such a great supporter....but my 11year old hates it..any suggestions..am i wrong?

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I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I have lots to add, but maybe I shouldn't because right now I am not too happy with my own kids.

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No, but I suspect your 11 yr old sees this as more than just a "friend" and feels like he's trying to take Dad's place, and so his/her feelings are understandable. I would just try to explain that you're not exactly going out and getting married, he is just a friend who is helping you through this hard time - as a friend. Or perhaps there's more ie not liking this guy for other reasons? Either way, if it were me I would try to make sure you still spend lots of quality time with your kid(s), and I mean without Mr Friend around. Make sure the kid(s) see that they are still #1 in your book and nobody can replace their father. Talk to them about it as need be as well.

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its a tough one. Your kids need you and your support but you also need to have support. Your 11 year old obviously feels that youre replacing his/her dad....and just be aware. this is feelings were talking about. They dont neccessarily have any basis in logic but are reactions to trauma. As has been said, its important to have time with them without the friend around, and lots of reassurance. And yes, reassuring a youngster who is determined to make themselves as obstinate as possible is hard, but keep in mind that the kids are wounded too. Good luck walking the tightrope.

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Thank u all for the responses...he is my friend and i have not brought him around my family..however..i do share with them when i go to movies or dinner..etc...i dont feel the need to lie to them..i guess maybe i should have never told them..idk..im constantly confused on how to handle things.

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Thank u all for the responses...he is my friend and i have not brought him around my family..however..i do share with them when i go to movies or dinner..etc...i dont feel the need to lie to them..i guess maybe i should have never told them..idk..im constantly confused on how to handle things.

I really don't think you should feel bad about having a friend! I also think that it is good to be honest with your children, or in the end they may be more upset that you not tell them. It is no ones business, as long as you are okay with it and it helps you that is all that matters! I have a male friend, he meet my kids shortly after Jims passing...At first they didn't like it I am sure of. However, they see that I am getting the help and support I need in these hard times so they have accepted it...I get really defensive when it comes to this subject because I just feel like everyones situation is different...
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No, but I suspect your 11 yr old sees this as more than just a "friend" and feels like he's trying to take Dad's place, and so his/her feelings are understandable. I would just try to explain that you're not exactly going out and getting married, he is just a friend who is helping you through this hard time - as a friend. Or perhaps there's more ie not liking this guy for other reasons? Either way, if it were me I would try to make sure you still spend lots of quality time with your kid(s), and I mean without Mr Friend around. Make sure the kid(s) see that they are still #1 in your book and nobody can replace their father. Talk to them about it as need be as well.

That is it exactly imo. This is a very difficult situation to be in, especially because of the kids. At my age, with a son who is 34 years old, it's very different. I'm not in the position of being a model for him in any significant way anymore. He could be much more accepting of a significant "other" in my life, because we each have our own adult lives to live. I would take it slowly and easy, when it comes to introducing the new friend into your personal and family life, and try to reassure the children that their father cannot, and never will, be replaced.

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