An angel with no halo and one wing in the fire.

[sermatinger]

On the 28th of this month my father Mervin will be gone for 2 years. It still seems unreal to me that he's no longer on this Earth to help guide me. He was wise and he was my hero. My dad was married to my mother for 41 years and in that time they shared good times and a lot of bad times. But my mom stood by him even when she thought she shouldn't and I admire her strength for that. My dad used to be what you would call a hell raiser. He did a lot of drinking and managed to get himself into trouble A LOT. You could say it took him a long time to grow up. My parents had 5 children together me being the youngest of the bunch. I lost my eldest brother John 4 years prior and my sister Amber 2 years prior to my father's death. About 17 years ago my father quit drinking cold turkey so he could keep my mom and his family. It took a lot of strength and courage for him to accomplish what a lot of people can't and he managed to do it on his own. I always looked up to him for that. It took a while for my mother to forgive him for everything they went through but she did and as soon as her walls came down they became each other's rocks. They showed me that love is real but sometimes you have to work hard for it to endure. About a year and a half after my sister passed away my father became very ill. At first we thought it was a virus because I had been sick for a couple of weeks with a very bad virus. We waited for it to pass but it never did. We immediately began to suspect that it was something worse. My dad smoked cigarettes most of his life and about 13 years before that he had quit smoking but obviously not soon enough because after months of tests and doctors and visits to the ER they found out he had lung cancer and that it had spread to his liver. Both my brother and my sister had died suddenly and they're passing was a shock to me. But I sat there and I watched the strongest man I ever knew waste away to nothing in just 6 short months. I hated to watch him suffer and to this day I've never experienced anything a hard as watching someone you love more than life itself die slowly and painfully everyday. My dad was a tree man and one of the best I might add. It's been 2 years and we still get random phone calls from people asking about Daddy. It hurts to tell them he is no longer with us but when I do they always express their sorrow and some of them even say "Well, I donno who is gonna cut my trees down now because Merv was the BEST!" This always makes me smile but it also hurts my heart. I'm glad my dad left a good impression on people and it's always nice to hear people speak so fondly of him. It makes me proud to be his daughter. I love him and I miss him more than anything in this world. I get sad sometimes because when I get married he won't be there to walk me down the aisle and when I have a baby he won't be there to win 'em over because babies and toddlers loved my dad. Even if it was the first time they met him they would just run right over to him like they've known him forever. It's the little things I miss the most like how he would freak out if all the lights in the house were on. Sometimes I can still hear him holler at me saying "Damn Storm, why are all the lights in the house on?" and I immediately start turning all the lights out. So, I guess he does still guide me in way. It never really gets easy to deal with the loss of someone you love. It's a lot more like they become a part of who you are now and you try to incorporate their wisdom throughout your daily life. Even if it's just the small stuff.

Rest in Paradise Mervin Andrew Ermatinger. I'll see you on the other side old man <3

[ModKonnie]

Sermatinger, I am sorry about the loss of your father. He sounds like a good man to know. You were blessed to have him in your life, and you will always have wonderful memories to cherish. My father passed four years ago on Wednesday. While the serious pain has faded, there are moments when I just ache with missing him. But then I try to remember something happy and smile. --ModKonnie

[sermatinger]

Thanks Modkonnie, I'm sorry for the lost of your father as well.

[SGTMom911]

I know all too well the feeling of missing your dad. No matter how old we get, we're always "Daddy's little girl", right? I was 31 when my dad passed away in 2000. Yes, he got to walk me down the aisle. And I remember him keeping my smokes for me, because, where do you hide a pack of cigarettes in your wedding dress? haha. (I have since quit.) However, my daughter was born 11 years ago, and he never got to meet her nor she, him. They would have loved each other. My dad was also loved by all who knew him. And just telling your child about her grandfather is not exactly the same. I grieve for that loss as well. Or her grandfather seeing what a beautiful young lady she is becoming.

I was devasted when my dad died. DEVASTATED. But I can tell you, time does heal. I rarely cry anymore; mostly I laugh as I tell stories about him. I have a tattoo for him, and had a special rock engraved which is now in my garden. He would have been pleased. And he would laugh, because sometimes I call it the "weather rock" - "weather rock says it's raining", "weather rock says it's snowing", etc. My dad was somewhat of a hellraiser, too. I hope some of those traits pass on to my daughter, his granddaughter.

I'm sorry for your loss. And that of your brother and sister, too. Peace.