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Does not feel real to me


Momofjmd

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My husband of 31 years passed away for complications from diabetes on July 16, 2013. The last four years were really bad as he had lost toes due to amputations, was in and out of the hospital for low glucose episodes, had a stroke in 2011 and so much more.

From January 2013 until March 2013 he was in the hospital due to amputations, having a pace maker put in and he was on diaylsis three days a week. I have three children ages 22, 20 and 15. My two oldest are boys and my 15 year old is a girl.

It was a horror going to the hospital this past year as he was heavily medicated and was not making sense a lot of the times. It broke my heart to see him like that.

He was home for a couple of months but we had nurses coming in almost everday to dress his wounds so they would not get infected again. There were a couple of other times he was sent back to the Emergency Room as his toe did get infected again.

About 12 years ago he had triple bypass and also about 10 years ago a fem to fem bypass to save his circulation in his legs. He was on about 15 medications and our lives revolved around his disease.

The last six months were really bad as I was working full time, trying to take care of the home, the bills and trying to keep some type of normalcy in our lives. I was so angry all the time. Michael was a fighter and did his best with his pain and all that this disease does to someone.

I miss him so much and I know for his sake his body could not take anymore. I just wish I would have realized how little time we had left. He was the love of my life and I am so lost without him.

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I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like you have been heavily stressed for quite some time, and I'm guessing that now, since so many of the actions required of you have disappeared, you are feeling a bit lost, and not useful. It's very hard losing your husband, especially after all you two had invested in your relationship with each other. My husband didn't died from complications of diabetes, but he spent 1 1/2 years feeling terrible before he died, and I was so used to meeting so many of his needs, that after he was gone, I felt a bit empty and like much of my purpose was gone. THis is a very painful journey that we are traveling, and I hope you will come here often, and express your thoughts, your frustrations, and your needs. Bless you.

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I think we all wish wed had more time, but even those who know parting is coming, feel they didnt get to say it all, and to behonest i dont think we ever could have enough time for that. Im so sorry youve had to go thru what you have. Its so hard to watch someone you love suffer and not be able to help them. Alex, my fiance, ended up debeloping a sebere tremor and it was so hard for me to watch the effect it had on him. From a confidant, capable and outgoing young man, he started not wanting to go out when the tremor was bad, and ofc because it was unpredictable, he soon got reluctant to go out at all. He hated people seeing him like that and it made my heart bleed to see it. But he always kept his sense of humour, and thats what i miss the most. Its very hard to go from having your world revolving around some one, to having, all of a sudden, nothing. We pretty much have to rearrange our whole lives, our whole way of thinking, and it doesnt come easy. Are you seeing a therapist or cousellor at all? If not, id consider it. It does often seem insurmountable, but we just have to remember to take things bit by bit, one step at a time. Please dont forget to take care of yourself too

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