something i wrote few weeks back

[junglee queen]

My friends told me to write something to my guy as if iam sharing my feelings with him . I wrote this few weeks back.

the truth crushes me down the moment I wake up like falling rocks and boulders . I twitch in pain until I feel numb . But once iam fully numb and I think its all over , once I try standing on my feet , my heart gets ripped from its place and the crying attack starts . It became a daily routine dear . A horrible daily routine . Do you remember the time when I told you that I don’t want to live? Do you remember how you looked at me and asked “ what about me? what will happen to me? do you really want to leave me alone? “ Iam loosing you in pieces over time . Iam loosing you in pieces every day. Every piece I loose kills me. I almost die a painful death every night . Everyday I see that white tunnel dead people walk through. But god keeps pulling me back. He keeps telling me’’ iam not done with you yet lets repeat it again tomorrow . I promise that you will walk through the tunnel one day , but its not anytime soon . I like to see you suffer ‘’. I ask him ‘why what did I do to deserve this ‘’ but he turns and walks away without giving me any answers . My friends are telling me that I will get over it . they don’t know that iam not myself without you . half of my heart went down the ground the day you were buried . what I have functioning now in my chest is half of your heart , the part you gave me the day you told me you love me . That half that still gives me the strength to breath the strength to stand on my feet , the half heart which keeps us both alive. Don’t ask about the other part . The other part is completely damaged and shattered dear ,, Its only leaning on the part you gave me and it keeps repeating in a very faint voice ‘I have always loved you , I will always love you and I will love you till the end.

I cant write to him anymore , not sure if writing really helps .