New member. Lost both parents at a young age.

[mindthegap]

I lost my mom to cancer when I was 18 and my father died of pneumonia when I was 22. I’m an only child so it was pretty horrible and lonely for a while until I met my husband. I’m 28 now and I’m in a much better, happier place but sometimes I still feel this awful sadness that is almost incapacitating. I have many people in my life that support and love me but none of them can ever really understand how hard it is for me sometimes. I often feel very alone, dealing with a grief that none of my friends can relate to.

[ModKonnie]

Mindthegap, I am very sorry about the loss of your precious parents, but I am glad you have your spouse to lean on. There are many people here who have lost both parents and have no siblings. They will be able to offer you the kind of support others cannot because they have experienced similar losses. What were some ways i which you got through the loneliness before your husband? We will be here for you. -ModKonnie

[MDenise]

I also lost both parents and they were too young. I'm glad you now have a husband and it helps for you. I hope you will be able to be happy more of the time again.

[heather62188]

I also lost my parents very young. My dad died when I was 3 from a brain injury from a softball. My mom died when I was 19 she was alone eating and she choked. I'm now 25 and just beginning to cope. I pretended they never existed because if they didn't exist I couldn't miss them. And now after five nears of "coping" I'm realizing I've never addressed any of the issues and they've gotten progressively worse. I'm struggling with not feeling like I'm part of anything. I feel so alone. I have two brothers but we don't speak. I miss the love that a parent can show a child. I haven't felt safe or loved since my mom died. I still every day am terrified. I don't know what to do with myself

[cmobrien32]

This is my first post here. I lost my mother in April 2012 when I was 27. My father - 65 years young - is in a nursing home with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, et al. Without an exhaustive explanation of my background, I can offer two books I've read since my mom passed, which have helped in different ways. I'm still long-winded, though, so bear with me:

The first was When Parents Die: A Guide for Adults http://www.amazon.com/When-Parents-Die-Guide-Adults/dp/0140262318/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1378865309&sr=8-1&keywords=when+parents+die

A friend sent this to me when my mom passed and I found it very helpful. I left my own review of it on Amazon, but it's basically a good handbook - and what I called, a "choose your own grief" book. You can pick the chapters that apply to you to read and/or re-read. Admittedly, I read it very soon after my mom passed, so I can't say how helpful it would be with more long-simmering grief. I've passed it on to two others whose mothers passed soon after mine and hope they found at least something in it to be helpful.

I also read The Rules of Inheritance http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Inheritance-Claire-Bidwell-Smith/dp/B00B1LBCTU/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1378865626&sr=1-1&keywords=rules+of+inheritance - a memoir. The author, now a grief counselor, lost both of her parents before she was 30. It was frustrating to me at points - especially nearer to the end - as I could not relate with the extended support she had and which I lack. But, overall, I felt it was helpful to me - especially in that first painful year.

When a coworker's mother passed away about four months after mine, she asked me if it would get any better. I told her that it doesn't, but that every day you allow yourself to think about it less and less and allow yourself to live just a little more. A year later, I still think that's true. I think about my mom every day, but now it's sometimes just once or twice a day rather than being the first thing on my mind every time someone asks me how I am. I'll never stop thinking about her all the time, but I now allow myself to feel other things and to try to carry her fire.

[widower2]

I lost my mom to cancer when I was 18 and my father died of pneumonia when I was 22. I’m an only child so it was pretty horrible and lonely for a while until I met my husband. I’m 28 now and I’m in a much better, happier place but sometimes I still feel this awful sadness that is almost incapacitating. I have many people in my life that support and love me but none of them can ever really understand how hard it is for me sometimes. I often feel very alone, dealing with a grief that none of my friends can relate to.

I'm so sorry for your losses, I can't imagine. I heard of this and thought you might be interested - people who can more likely relate: http://www.onlinegri.../sole-survivors

[Jlp131]

Dear mindthegap,

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom died when I was five. I'm an only child and estranged from my father. It's so hard to not have parental support. I also have a husband, but I still want a mom. I wish I could offer advice on how to deal with the sadness. I don't know myself. All I can say is I know how you feel.